For many years of marriage, we shared all finances, I didn’t even have a solo account!
However, I earn a lot more than DH and have done for years, but ironically I’m the saver and he’s the spender. Is anyone else out there with a similar dynamic??
We’ve recently had to split our finances because his spending was spiralling so him having to budget his spending worked for us both, even though my desire was always and still is for us to pool everything, but that ideal just ended in disaster and nearly ended our marriage.
Also, we have very different views on work. I believe whilst you’re able you should work full time and save for ours, the the DC’s future. He’s much more laid back and able to not worry about the future. I envy his confidence but I accept we’re just different.
However, because he chooses not to work full time he has a lot less disposable income than I do. He works very few hours a week outside the home and could easily earn equal to if not more than me if he chose to. We’re careful with our bills, not frivolous and are managing month to month so he doesn’t need to earn more which is a luxurious position. We split the family bills 50/50 but I’m the only one who has any savings and I use them for family stuff, I don’t tend to spend much on myself.
My issue is he spends most (often all) of his disposable income on his hobbies which means when there are unexpected bills I have to cover them. It also means in practice I’m the only one trying to top up our joint/family savings account each month (before I spend on myself!) and he adds nothing because it’s all being spent on his own pursuits. He’s not a selfish person by nature - in fact he’s kind and very thoughtful. He just doesn’t want to work more and sometimes I think I am the mug for working full time and even worrying about all this!
But I do wrestle with this and I try to imagine if I was the DH and he was the wife whether I’d even be irked by this ‘inequality’.
AIBU? I think I just feel taken for granted financially as he’s leaving nothing for himself to fall back on and knows I’d never withhold money that was needed for him, or our family. I watch him enjoy spending money on his interests whilst I’m cautiously saving for rainy days.
I feel like I’m his financial safety net and I am working full time whilst he enjoys semi-retirement!
I swing between feeling completely unreasonable one day, to then feeling annoyed that things aren’t more equal. It’s the one thing that really pains me about our otherwise good marriage. I want to get over this issue in my own head and would appreciate thoughts.