Do you tell your DP everything?

[LadyofBarcelona]

I’m just curious, sometimes I feel like I over share and feel immense guilt not telling him things, even if it’s the smallest issue. I tell him everything about my life, my day etc and then he will hit out with something I never knew anything about.

For example, I am quite an anxious person with OCD and tomorrow, I am finally going to the GP to get help with it. I feel like anytime I discuss maybe my anxiety, he doesn’t seem to get it and doesn’t understand why I can’t just overcome it. If I don’t tell him, I feel guilty and if I do tell him, I feel like I’m making a big deal.

This isn’t individual to him.. I feel like over sharing with any man makes me feel like this. Ex boyfriends, my father, my brother etc.. it makes me wonder if I should just close up a bit?

God no!! He doesn't either I think that's normal we respect each others privacy been together 15 years so works for us,but I will add if I'm ill,worried or need advice etc he is my go to person and always helps me etc no matter what .

No of course not, I use judgement what I do or don’t disclose.I'm not compelled to divulge the minutiae of how I’m feeling and I don’t feel compelled to. Sometimes I need reflection and a bit of me time without having to accommodate someone else inc my partner pov.

Any holes a goal!

I do tell my partner everything and vice versa, but I've been in relationships in the past where I've felt stupid telling partners everything and tried to become more closed off. But then looking back those weren't good relationships. With my partner now I could literally tell him anything, and he would still listen without any judgment. Obviously I understand not all relationships are like this and some people would rather confide in their friends, its whatever works for you really x

No I don't tell him everything. That would be exhausting.

Most of the time yes, both of us can be a bit closed off though we know when something is bothering each other and we both let the other know we will listen when and if they want to talk.

No.
We are two different people.

Not everything. More than we used to but that’s because I’m a SAHM and DH works from home now so we see each other a lot more.

Today (nursery day) I’ve been swimming and he only knew that because he saw my swimming bag, runs various errands, he was surprised when I mentioned I was getting a patch test for fake eyelashes. He doesn’t know most of the stuff I bought today, household, holiday things and a few things for the kids or know about the various errands I got up to. I don’t always know what he has been up to unless there is some evidence eg bike in the garden.

How long have you been with your boyfriend?

No. I tell him things of important and things laying heavy on my mind; otherwise no: there's no need.

Huge mistake. You are shooting yourself in the foot, hand, leg, all that. It is important to maintain distance and space between yourself and a man, no matter how much you love him. Spilling your guts and sharing every thought and experience is a mistake you will live to regret. This video explains it in detail.

I tell him the stuff he needs to know in order for us to be two happy, close, functioning people in a relationship; and ultimately I make the decision about what that is. It isn’t everything there possibly is to know about me, or everything that’s ever happened to me, because that would be exhausting and often irrelevant.

I definitely cannot understand women who say that if their friends confide in them about e.g. their own partner / relationship or a problem they’re having, they always tell their OH because otherwise it would be keeping secrets from him. I mean, Jesus Christ!

But telling your OH about your particular current mental health problems and treatment you’re having them wouldn’t be something I’d put into the “oversharing” category - it’s very relevant because it’s about your health and well-being and thus the health and well-being of the relationship. Who has made you feel that it’s inappropriate to share?

Women are socialised that they need to disclose and seek acceptance. We are encouraged to trade our feelings,thoughts,fears easily. It’s good to be a little bit circumspect, you don’t need to lay it all out there.

Wise words.

Absolutely not ... he wouldn't be interested in hearing about most of the things I do (it's all pretty mundane) and I am not particularly interested in hearing every detail of his latest round of golf. We spend most of our time together happily silent - married over 30 years .

It depends what you mean by everything. Everything he needs to know for us to have a functioning relationship, yes.

The minutiae of my day, maybe, if I think it's something he'll find funny or be interested in or we're just chattering on about nothing.

Things I've been told in confidence by others, no.