Meeting new people/friends in my late 40s

[bringonyourwreckingball]

‘D’h finally did something truly unforgivable which means divorce is now more or less inevitable. I am 47, we have 2 children aged 16 and 14. For a number of reasons I don’t have that many friends locally. I work 4 days a week and ‘d’h worked long hours so never had much time for hobbies etc and then obviously we also had a pandemic just when it was getting easier for me to have a social life without needing childcare. Most of our friends live some distance away and many were his friends first so although I’m sure they’ll make all the right noises about staying in touch I’m not sure it will happen.

So instead of it being me and dH finally doing some of the things we wanted to do, I’m going to be on my own a lot of the time as the dds will be out and about with their friends and then off to uni in no time. The last thing I want is for them to worry about me so I figure I need to start rebuilding my social life sooner rather than later (which will also give me a distraction from the shit show of ending the marriage.)

Can anyone give me any positive ideas of things I can do to get back out there? Looking for friendship only.

What do you enjoy doing? I've been in an evening book club before now, and I'm currently in a walking group that does some evening walks and a Saturday one.

Next door is a good app for finding out what's going on locally, and can help you find groups/friends in your local area.

What area/city are you in OP?

What do you enjoy doing? What did you used to do when you were 11 (old enough to know what you like, young enough not to be too stressed to do it)?

I’m in Sheffield. Love reading, so a book club would work but no idea how to find one. Walking also a good shout as we are near the peaks. I like swimming but it’s not terribly social. I used to do a boot camp which was friendly but everyone was generally too sweaty to go on somewhere. Lone food/cooking.

Meet up is a good app for this, and lots of different types of groups and events on there. Your local area may also have a listing page, depending where you live, plus Next Door also, local FB. I see more events than I have time to attend!

im 49 and met more lovely women friends this year than in the past 10 years. I joined the local leisure centre and signed up to classes. Be open to conversation swap numbers meet in the gym or have coffee. I’ve now got friends I meet for boxing jogging and socially. And it makes exercise more fun. Good luck most people need more friends xx

www.voxbookclub.com/#

Some guidance for you...

lmgtfy.app/?q=cookery+course+sheffield

lmgtfy.app/?q=book+club+sheffield

sheffieldwalkers.org.uk/

Check out Eventbrite for local events- also spice is a social group with lots of activities. Even WI have younger groups.

I was going to suggest Meet Up, I nearly joined when my life long best friend emigrated, but my friendship group has evolved in other ways since then so didn’t bother.

I just joined a friendship (only) group on Facebook for the local area, you may have one similar. Meals out, walks etc (though haven't had time to go yet!). I also joined a drama group, which hasn't met much in pandemic so not been to much but took bull by horns this week and volunteered for a back stage role I've never done before, and first meeting is tonight. Also joined a dance class which gets me out but more limited in 'making friends' as dancing much of the hour! I go to church but hadn't made many friends, as busy with kids, but took decision to deliberately ask some people out for drinks and now have acquaintance friends to go out with (close friends take years). Summing up I think you have to be proactive; even when you've joined something you may need to push further. All the best. Oh, a saying from my kids school always springs to mind recently as I've faced same issue of meeting people: 'the way to win friends is to be a friend', which is what I think I'm starting to understand. It doesn't just happen like it did at the school gates. Hope it goes well!

www.citychurchsheffield.org.uk/grub-club

Are you on Facebook? I found my local book club, beginners sewing class, women only walking group, wild swimming group, all on Facebook.

If there isn't a local book club and that's your thing, then start one yourself!

Good replies. Im in walking group tonight 4 of us. I saw ad on FB. Running clubs good too. My neighbour in a choir. Am hoping mine leads to the odd coffee/night out. We started in January

I used to meet a lot of people at David Lloyds when we were members. I went for swimming, spa etc, you dont meet that many swimming but people chat a lot in cafe, aqua aerobics, and in the spa. Not the cheapest option but kept me fit as well. Some dodgy blokes though.

Thank you these are all great suggestions - I’ve already gone and signed up for next door and will try Meet Up. I do struggle a bit with thinking everyone else has more friends than they need and won’t want to be bothered by me but I think I will just have to take the bull by the horns.

Can anyone explain more about Next Door, could be my ignorance but I thought it was more for posting info like road closures/ lost cat etc. Is it actually something which has social events / groups ?

I’ve noticed that going to things as a pair of friends means it’s much easier to meet more people. So I would see if any existing friends are up for joining you, even if they then drop out.

Hi Op I've just moved somewhere new in my 40s - I'm v sociable so having friends is really important to me so I've really put effort in.

Firstly - how friendly are you with people who live very near you? I find it really really vital to my wellbeing to know my neighbours - have you ever organised street drinks/ street party - you dont need to go big and close the street, you can just invite people to stop by your front garden - even if only a few people come I have found this such a nice way to meet peope

Secondly - join a choir if you like singing - such a sociable thing to do

I think you need to focus in on activities where people really want to meet others - walking/ ramblers association/ choirs/ social volunteering etc?

Volunteer - food bank would be one that would be social - not for yourself but company/ other people to work alongside etc.

I would recommend meet-up too, but also there is a section on Bumble for meeting friends which is separate from the dating site - I’ve met a few ladies that way who I now have coffees and nights out with.