Using the word kill in front of the children. OK or not?

[cornwall11]

In the car the other day I was telling a story to my husband and I said any couple that can get through a family holiday without killing each other can get through any thing! He immediately told me off and not to use that phrase in front of the children. He said it isn't nice for the children to hear the word kill in that context and not to say that again.

I was take aback as I am sure it is a common phrase which I'm sure remember hearing when I was a child, even from my school teachers, so I'm surprised at his reaction. It's no trouble for me not to use that phrase anymore so I won't, but is his reaction justified?

just explain the difference between literally and figuratively?

Absolutely! Really good learning opportunity for the kids….!! He is being ridiculous; it’s used so commonly to mean “be really cross with” that it’s actually not great that kids may think there’s something wrong with its use. A teacher for example, might say, “don’t get permanent marker on your clothes or your mum will kill me!” It’s a jokey line in that context and kids need to understand the idiom.

In fact, things like that are so commonly used that they wouldn’t be taken literally even if they were meant literally (if that makes sense).

I’d use it, but he’s entitled to his opinion. It’s easy to see where he’s coming from so I wouldn’t mind not saying it if it bothered him.

However, I wouldn’t expect to be pulled up in front of the kids if they were paying attention. So if he did that I’d ask him not to.

I don't think it was appropriate to use that expression in front of children as young as yours. If your DH didn't raise his voice when he told you off and was discreet in pulling you up on it then it's fine to have done it in front of the children. I prefer when things are dealt with as they happen rather than let them fester or accumulate and when you bring them up the other party would have forgotten they've said or done the thing. Couples can disagree in front of their children as long as they aren't shouting, abusive or violent with it. It's healthy and normal to see disagreement and how to resolve them amicably and respectfully.

Your hubby is a snowflake
How can kids grow up to be resilient with this sort of parenting
The REAL world is HARSH
being mollycoddles to the extent of not hearing some words is beyond belief

I use this word in front of my stepson all the time.

I don't agree that your husband sounds controlling though. People can have different opinions about how to raise children.

Well as you're asking, he has previously told me not to call the children "the kids" as he doesn't like them being called that. And has also asked me to stop saying "what?" when I haven't heard something, and to say "pardon" instead, which I now do

Saying "pardon" immediately reveals him as a lower middle class desperate social climber ;) I'd tell him to bugger off with his pearl clutching about "kids".

That said, I remember hearing my mum say "I'll kill you" when I was 2yo or thereabouts and being really scared.

These are ridiculous. Pardon odds like a knife to my ears.

Regarding kill, I bet the children themselves don't care. If they were scared, you'd know not to, but they weren't. It's just him being silly. Most children have heard the word kill and have a faint idea, it's not a swear, a common phrase won't traumatise them.

I would tell him no OP, and that provided your language doesn't breech the social conventions of what is considered appropriate, you will say what you please. No one should have to censor themselves to adhere to some one's niche preferences, which your update, that it's not just this word he takes issue with, suggests is what's happening here.

Wouldn‘t bother me. But then again my kids aren’t especially sensitive, are sensible about most stuff/avoid trouble/have no special needs that we have to consider. Older one was a v early reader and read every single conceivable swear word off local graffiti by the end of reception, so we had a lot of „it’s slang for a woman‘s vagina. Best not to use it at school“ chat. I don‘t really know how or if it’s viable to protect kids - I’m all about just chatting it through!

Depends how you’re going to feel when you kids say the didn’t tell their parents x because they’re were scared they would kill them

As a DV survivor whose partner did literally try and kill them I find it upsetting when people casually talk about their loved ones killing them if they haven’t emptied the bin or for getting poor grades