Online Dating - what to do here?

[ZiggysTarbrush]

I was officially off the online dating hamster wheel until 2023 but (accidentally) found myself after a couple of glasses of wine putting together a new profile on Friday, reminded myself why I stepped off having swiped left on 99% with one right swipe and a match.

A fair bit of nice text since then and would be up for a meet-up buuuuuut said bloke is going away this week until Sept.

I learned the hard way not to strike up pen friend relationships with men I've not met as time wasting if they turn out to be no-no's in real life.

Wwyd? I could say 'Give me a shout when you're back in town' or maybe set up a phone/video call to screen him in or out then still not do further texting until a real life meet can be arranged.

Shout out when back in town

Yeah, give him the option to get in touch when he's back and put it out of your mind until then. I think you're very sensible to not maintain a whatsapp relationship whilst he's away. That's a long time to invest in texting when the vibe could be off when you meet up.

Deffo dont get into being a pen pal. Even if you chat on video it means nothing compared to meeting in person in terms of how you will get on. Ask him to get in touch when he's back and forget.

Agree - get in touch when back. Do not engage in pen-palship until September. Be open but I’m control until/if he returns. I got sucked into a log texting situation. Never again.

Don’t bother speaking to him first, just move on. Plenty more men out there who aren’t pissing off for 3 months!

You are all so right of course.

Now I need to work out how to word a message to nice sounding man.

Probably best to be short, pleasant and to the point and explain I'm not keen on further textuals with a stranger but if he wants to get together for a coffee when he's back he could/should get in touch...?

Any thoughts on pragmatic wording?

Hi Bumbleman

Shame there's no meetachunities ahead of your departure.
As much as I'm enjoying these text chats with you I've promised myself to not develop pen friendships with people I've not met in real life for various reasons.
Here's my number if you fancy getting together when you are return to these parts. Good luck with all the stuff you are doing between now and then.

Ziggys

Oh poo. I was stupidly back in that thing of enjoying seeing his name pop up with a new interesting and funny message.

I don’t think you should give an explanation. Keep it short and sweet. I’d charge second para to:

As much as I’m enjoying these messages, let’s pick up when you return. Here’s my number etc.

Seeing the number pop up is addictive. I’ve been there and the highs and lows it creates. You are brill for setting boundaries.

Definitely don’t explain. He. My at not be a time waster but he has wasted your time a little bit if he’s effectively not going to be available til September.
id just wish him well on his journeys and hope to catch up when he’s back. Literally no more than that.

*he may not be

Yeah definitely doesn't need an explanation - it's a PITA but if you're not going to be really actively pursuing anything OLD wise then he may pop again in September!

I can't stand the pen pal stage, so you're absolutely doing the right thing!

Just avoid anybody you have to post on a forum about.

He’s a time-waster.
Why go on a dating site only to reveal that you are not available to date?
Bin.

'Let's press pause here. Let me know when you're back and we'll pick things up from there'.

I agree with the others. Don't send an explanation. Just a quick "that's a pity. Get in touch when you are back if you wish"

@Thereisnolight I assume he's been on the app for a while and has subsequently made plans to go somewhere for a while.

Thanks all. I'll keep it brief and ambivalent (cos I am)