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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Having doubts..

6 replies

claire661 · 04/07/2022 10:54

2 years ago I married someone from abroad. Met him on holiday, typical holiday romance kind of scenario. Married within a year.. Yeah I know it's fast - not looking for judgement on that.
Went through all the expense and rigmarole of getting him a UK Spousal visa. Cost thousands, all of which I paid. He had no money and only a very menial job back home in his country (Tunisia). No savings either.
He claimed to love me blah blah blah but seems to have changed into another person within 6 months of being here in the UK.
Few examples include:
Staying out all night with "friends". I suspect he's with other women.
Phone switched off the time, so can't get hold of him when he's out. Worrying, considered we have a baby together and there could be an emergency.
Takes 2 hours to get home from his English lesson although the library where it's held is about 15 minutes walk from home (even if walking slow).
Never gives me money towards bills, rent or food.
Expects my family to pay for everything.
Is rude, disrespectful and always "too tired" to even speak to me.
I want him gone tbh. He knows I'm unhappy but has hinted that any attempts to leave him to cancelling his visa won't end well.
I'm worried he might tried to snatch our daughter to Tunisia (as you hear in those horrible tug of love cases).
How can I get away and get him out of this country?

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/07/2022 12:04

I think you need specialist legal advice, because this is quite a specific situation especially regarding your fears around him abducting your DD.

I would ring around and look for a solicitor who has experience in this specific area.

Does your DD have a passport? If not, apply for one secretly, then store it somewhere out of the house, eg at work or with your parents. If she already has one then get it stored elsewhere.

Who currently cares for your DD - I'm assuming he doesn't work yet and you do? You need to ensure he can't claim he's the primary carer.

Pinkbonbon · 04/07/2022 13:05

He needs to go. Definitely get legal advise.
Is he on the birth certificate?
Is the house owned by you? If not, who is on the lease?

Lozzerbmc · 05/07/2022 15:29

As others have said you need specialist legal advice asap- good luck

Pegsonstrings · 05/07/2022 23:58

Woman’s rights and woman’s aid if you are int the UK as he has made threats. Contact them for advice. Also, you can go to your local boots I heard where you can say you are in danger of it comes to that. This will obviously if you are afraid he will hurt you or your daughter in any way. Police as well. Don’t take his threat lightly.

wellhelloitsme · 06/07/2022 00:54

I want him gone tbh. He knows I'm unhappy but has hinted that any attempts to leave him to cancelling his visa won't end well.

Has he made threats to you? Document them and speak to womens aid.

I'm worried he might tried to snatch our daughter to Tunisia (as you hear in those horrible tug of love cases).

Hide her passport. Get advice from a solicitor asap.

How can I get away and get him out of this country?

Speak to womens aid and also ask them for any specialist charities / resources for international custody disputes.

Get help asap, this is serious and you need the best legal advice you can afford.

wellhelloitsme · 06/07/2022 00:55

Pegsonstrings · 05/07/2022 23:58

Woman’s rights and woman’s aid if you are int the UK as he has made threats. Contact them for advice. Also, you can go to your local boots I heard where you can say you are in danger of it comes to that. This will obviously if you are afraid he will hurt you or your daughter in any way. Police as well. Don’t take his threat lightly.

This is great advice - if you go to boots ask to speak to "Ani" and you'll be taken discretely to a room where you'll be given some numbers to call privately.

www.walgreensbootsalliance.com/news-media/our-stories/can-i-speak-ani-please

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