DH has his holiday virus…again

[SirChenjins]

I know he can’t help it and I know he’s ill, but almost 30 years of this - nearly every time we’re going on holiday and nearly every Christmas he gets some stinking flu-like virus and recovers in time to go back to work. We’re meant to be in the car now, but he’s still in bed feeling like crap (he’s tested for covid several times and it’s not that). I do have sympathy for him, I really do as I know he’s really not well, but at the same time I’m feeling like ‘here we go again’, our very valuable annual leave from work and family time is spent with him not being well with his holiday virus.

Anyone else have this?

He can call in sick and reclaim annual leave.

I do! It’s like my body knows it doesn’t have to work as hard for the next week and just shuts down completely. Every holiday I have been on the first 3 days all I want to do is sleep, I have started booking a few extra days in advance of big holidays now because it’s really frustrating.

I don’t know what job your dh does, whether he gets paid sick pay for instance? But if he is sick enough that he wouldn’t have gone to work, he can tell his employer and have this time counted as sickness leave, so that the annual leave can be reused another time.

In the longer term it is worth exploring the fact that he is probably burnt out. He may need something like a sabbatical or an extended period of leave to build his strength back up, and then to be very cautious not to push his limits when he goes back and ‘save’ energy for at home. This is what my dh had to do.

Update - he’s just done another test and he has covid Not surprising really, his workplace is quite lax with its distancing et and there’s always someone with it. DS and I are going to go on holiday on our own.
He’s definitely burnt out but he also doesn’t look after himself which I find really frustrating. He’s overweight, has high blood pressure and T2 diabetes and hasn’t been for his check ups. He’s almost 60 but has been like this for many years. He does get sick pay and he’ll cancel his annual leave, but it’s not quite the holiday we were expecting and I know DS will miss his dad.

Oh I’m sorry @SirChenjins . Covid is even worse.

I hope you’ll still enjoy your hols and yo DH will recover soon.
Is there someone around the keep an eye on him/give him a hand if needed.

I have Covid atm and the first few days I was incapable of getting out bed.

Thanks @SingingInParadise yes, my DD and eldest son are around if needed. I’m a bit nervous about doing the drive myself and entertaining a 15 year old on my own when we get there, but hopefully it will be fine 🤞

Feel for you op. Just had to cancel Center Parcs holiday. Was all packed to leave at 12 but dp felt like crap yesterday and tested positive this morning. So frustrating. I'm currently lying on the bench in the garden and avoiding unpacking and dp!

Which I have been doing for the last 30 years, Difficult when someone doesn’t look after themselves though.

I am going to say you should ask him to reallocate his annual leave and go together.
I wouldn’t want to be hundreds of miles from my dh if he was sixty, diabetic and had covid, what if he suffers complications?
Have a few days out with ds and wait for dh to get better. It’s really crap leaving him behind.

I too have covid and first few days were diabolical and I wouldn’t have eaten a single thing if I had been left alone.
I know you are annoyed but are you normally more caring?

He’s fine - we have a nurse in the house and a hospital very close by if he needs it (which he won’t, he’s up now and says he’s feeling better than he has done over the last few days). He’s more than happy for us to go and will make his way to the cottage later in the week if he can.

Im not going to reply to your snarky last sentence because it’s really not worthy of one.

I get it, my husband often gets ill when he books leave. I think it's because he can finally relax away from work stress and his body sort of crashes and he viruses seem to pounce. I'm sorry your dh has covid, I hope it's mild and he feels better soon. Definitely sounds like he needs to find a way to look after himself more consistently through the year, I know since dh has had less work stress he seems to have had less instances of the "holiday flu"

I hope you and Ds manage to have a lovely break

This was my Mum, even when she retired, if she knew we were coming to visit she'd get poorly. I think it was a mix between anxiety and stress that would make her ill.

I had a destination wedding and she was ill with a really bad eye infection, every event or holiday we had, she'd be poorly. My poor dad had 40 odd years of missed parties and holidays due to her health.

What's worse is that you feel guilty for being annoyed as you know they are genuinely ill.

I've not got much advice to give, but maybe as a op said, he should take a few days off in advance of any holiday

We have had some management training on how to spot excess stress amongst our team.

Consistently getting sick at the start of each holiday is a textbook symptom that he is highly stressed.

He is relying on the stress response adrenaline to get him through each day. When work stops, the flow of adrenaline stops too and his body is very vulnerable to all everything that has been staved off because his body has been on high alert.

I don't want to worry you but this is a state taken really seriously where I work because he is on a well trodden path to burn out. Add in the high blood pressure, T2 and overweight etc and that really is a situation.

Best wishes for finding his way out of the maze soon. MN's own Low carb boot camp could really make a difference. DH used it to revers his T2 within a year. All the best.

How can you look after someone who won't look after themselves? Genuine question.

I was supposed to complete a six month contract living away from home in a flat with two other nurses.

The rota was hell but I was getting paid very very well. I would work 13 days in a row including manning the phones overnight and then I would have three days off.

By the end of the first day off I would feel like shit. Full on flu like symptoms. I would just recover in time to go into the thirteen day cycle again.

The work was physically the hardest I had ever worked and it was mentally stressful and this happened every single rotation.

I left after four and a half months as I was so ill. I developed agoraphobia and OCD as a result of it all (although there were other aggravating factors too).

It sounds like your DP has a similar thing going on.

I'm going on holiday in a week and have the pre-holiday lurgy. I always feel ill before a holiday. I've tested negative so far send hope it stays that way and is just a cold - but dh pointed out (and I agree with him) is that i always feel ill before a holiday

I was just about to ask if he's diabetic.

He's making himself this unwell, OP, is the cold truth. And I'm not sure how much sympathy I'd have - chances are that he's damaging his nerves, kidneys and eyesight.

I am T2 diabetic, and DH moans that I'm obsessive about my diet but I literally can't bear feeling sluggish and having a constant stream of infections/illness.

I get it. Every single time I've a holiday or as a child a birthday and every Christmas. I think I work myself up with excitement before hand, work really hard to get everything done before the event that by the time the event comes I'm exhausted and run down. I do feel sorry for you and your DH!

My DH would get ill every time we got on a plane, it happened every single holiday. He didn’t take one day off sick during his career. It was only when his job got a bit less stressful did the holiday virus end.

Thanks for all your kind words, sympathy and empathy, I really appreciate it, and good to know I’m not alone 😊You all have my sympathy and empathy in return.
I absolutely agree, he’s doing himself long term damage, and it’s very frustrating because he will not address his mental or physical health. Anyway, DS and I arrived safely, I feel quite proud of myself for getting us both here and it will be nice to get out into the hills and have a much needed break.

Enjoy your break!

He has diabetes and isn't even going for his check ups - meh, you can't look after someone who won't look after themselves. Try and put him out of your head for a few days and enjoy the time alone with your DS.

Hope you have a great time

My dad never had the issue over Christmas, but was often ill when away. He was on long-term medication and my mum wondered if that was connected. Not diabetes and my dad managed his weight through his adult life thankfully (he was overweight as a child).

Enjoy your break. Not sure what you can do with someone who does not want to help themselves. His employers if not taking sensible precautions are a disgrace though.

@FinallyHere

God, nearly every teacher I've worked with over the last 25 years falls ill at the beginning of the school holidays. It's just seen as part of the job.