No way forward or can I salvage this?

[icehearts]

Similar to a recent poster, I have found myself in a situationship and wondering where to go from here.

I met a guy earlier in the year, and we both agreed to keep it casual as both of us weren't looking for a relationship. A month later we both agreed that we would only sleep with each other, and let each other know if either of us met someone else and that changed.

Fast forward 6 months, he confessed to an apparent drunken encounter, and said it was a one off. I was ok with this, but as a consequence said we should part ways so he can date others and I can find someone who is happy to be totally exclusive but casual. He wasn't happy, said that it won't happen again and he wants to continue what we have exclusively.

I enjoy him but this has shaken me a bit and made me realise I need a stable commitment and relationship. This is a change in what I previously communicated, but it feels right for me now.

What do I do next? Do I need to just communicate this to him and hold firm or do I just see how it goes now that we have both established that we are exclusive.

I am still in the getting to know him stage, as is he, but wondering whether I need to now insist on a relationship?

I would follow your instinct which was to give him the heave ho.

Ditch him so you can clear your head and time for someone new

You do what you want , as he did when the situation came up for him to cheat.

You should tell him how you feel. I'm not sure what is casual about an exclusive relationship, just because it's not necessarily heading towards cohabitation and marriage doesn't mean you can't be committed, and if that's what you want, ask for it. You have nothing to lose, since you've already backed off.

He wants to continue exclusive.
You want to continue exclusive.

What's the problem?

I would talk to him honestly first you have nothing to lose that you aren't prepared to lose anyway so it can't hurt.

Listen to his response.

Take it from there.

*He wants to continue exclusive.
You want to continue exclusive.

What's the problem?*

They had already agreed to be exclusive and then he slept with someone else. Effectively he wants her to be exclusive and for him to be exclusive except when he gets drunk and feels like shagging someone else.

Add to that the fact that she has now decided that she wants a relationship which he doesn’t.

Feels like a world of pain to me….

If you want to be with someone why all this flakyness? I think it's knock it on the head time. You obviously didn't mean that much to him to have a drunken fuck with someone else.

It would be the end for me

Move on- whether it's to find another casual but exclusive person or to find someone up for a proper relationship. He's already broken your trust and that's in this early early stage. You deserve better.

How can you be “casual” and “exclusive” ?

Tell him what you want. Ask him if he wants it too.

Make your decision based on how you feel when he answers you.

This is nothing like as complicated as you're making it.

“How can you be “casual” and “exclusive” ?”

For me, it’s this. To me, casual means there’s no commitment. Being exclusive is commitment so once you agree to be exclusive, it’s not truly casual. This may be why this confusion has arisen.

Whether you can trust him going forward - only you can decide - but it sounds like he was willing to ditch the exclusivity when it suited him and he will likely do so again.

Or perhaps you are both ready for something that’s more than just casual. As someone said upthread, that doesn’t have to mean living together/marriage/children if you don’t want it to.

@Watchkeys has put it much better than I did. That’s how to cut through the crap.