He picked his family over me

[Aclassfool]

Hello, this is my first post and I’ve had a tough year so please be kind!

I was introduced to my partner last year and we have been together through lockdown and have decided to try for a baby. As the relationship progressed, it became known that due to religious factors, his parents would never accept me and he had no intention of telling them about me- rather letting his mum continue looking for a bride for him to keep her happy.

this has caused me to feel second best and unhappy also questioning how he was planning to live with me and raise a family. He now has said he just wants to be a sperm donor and not contribute in any way to my future or our child’s and he only wants to be kind ti help me fulfil my dream of being a mother.

he will still speak to whoever his mum introduces him to. I am not to have any expectations of him. I should expect to go to hospital in labour by myself and plan to bring up the child as a single mother.

i really want to be a mother (more than anything else.. and have been referred to fertility treatment so this has been ongoing for about a year now) but am I being an utter fool to accept this? Will I always regret this if I carry on down this path? Is it ever ok to break someone’s heart and blame it on them?

Have some bloody respect for yourself & ditch this arrogant arsehole

Definitely block him and carry on alone. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life as the bit on the side. Whilst he goes off and plays happy families with his wife and family. You deserve much better than that and so does his poor wife when he find one

No child deserves a father like him.

You BOTH owe more to a child than that. You're as self-centred as he is.

What he wants OP is just to shag you, that’s all he’s interested in. You’re free sex for him. if you’re happy with that and you only want his sperm then fair enough, crack on, but the fact that you’ve posted here suggests that you aren’t. Be in no doubt though, his interest doesn’t go any further than the end of his dick.

Quite frankly he seemed dangerous op. I don't think he wanted to get you pregnant fir selfless reasons. He doesn't seem like a nice person. I'd be worried he wanted you pregnant because it would leave you in a very insecure position where he could dominate and bully you. That potentially, he would threaten to steal the child away abroad or some shit if you didn't keep being a guilty little secret.

Basically he obviously has rotten motives. Because he is a rotten person. You can always trust a snake to be a snake.

So relieved you've told him where to go. Please be very firm with him. And don't be slow to threaten (and contact) police involvement if he doesn't leave you tf alone.

If you do have his child, that child will have to grow up not knowing his father's family and know they are not wanted. That's very hard to grow up with.

You’ve known him for 5 minutes and he’s already being horrible to you.
don’t create another human life with this man.
a baby is a baby for a split second and the next thing you know they’re a full grown person with feelings, and opinions and they’d be lumbered with a father who wants nothing to do with them. It would be selfish to have a baby right now.

Come over to the donor conception board for advice on solo motherhood. The boards are quiet but you will find people who are contemplating conceiving with a donor.

He is making very clear that he wants to have sex with you, but not to be a couple, not to acknowledge you pubicly, not to marry you (in fact he'll marry someone else), not to look after his child practically or financially. He has zero respect for you.

I beg you to stop all contact with him. He will pick away at your self confidence until you have none left. He would be a poor, poor father - this isn't just speculation, he's told you that's the case. Why would you inflect that on a child? On yourself?

You can do a 1000 times better than that sorry specimen.

am I being an utter fool to accept this?

I'm not sure I'd call you a fool, but he really doesn't sound like the right person to father your child.

Your child will be his dirty secret. You can't inflict that on a child.

I think you're spot in your second post, OP. A child would feel as rejected and unwanted as you, but it won't be for a year or so, it'll be for their entire life, even see an adult. You really cannot do that to someone, knowingly.

Also, you'd be emotionally tied to this 'man'
for the rest of your life. You can wave bye bye to your self esteem and happiness. He doesn't love you whatever he may say.

Run. Run very fast and very far.

Raise your bar and never settle for being treated with such disrespect. He's a user. Bin him and move on.

Omg this sounds horrendous, just get a sperm donor if you want to be a single Mum. There are official paths to go down that will avoid this potential car crash.

Raise the bar and always be someone 1st and only choice!