I guess this could cover a range of topics!
So pre children my then DP was like a man child almost - leaving clothes and pants all over the floor for me to pick up, I’d be doing all his ironing as well as his work shirts, doing the majority of the cleaning as he’d say he’d need me to tell him how to do it so it was easier to do it myself!
We had our first child which I hoped would see him grow up but unfortunately led to me getting PND as he started a new job as a police officer the week I gave birth, didn’t speak to anyone about it and refused to take any action about being at home for even a few more days so he had 2 days off after DS was born. I remember hysterically crying and begging him not to leave so yeah - trying to recover from birth single handedly, no one around because of COVID lockdown, police shifts, him behaving the same, absolutely got me. They also ended up training them via Zoom which he did in the living room so baby and I had to sneak about half the time.
He told me he would leave the job and was taking some time to job search but nothing ever came of it.
It took him realising how ill I was which was probably after DS was 1 to start to show differences in volunteering to do cleaning and things looked like they’d finally turned a corner. It seemed sustained.
Fast-forward to now, DS is 2, married and I’m 10+ weeks pregnant with baby 2. I’m really struggling this time, first pregnancy was a breeze! He has moved roles but still in uniform as he ‘doesn’t want’ to come out of uniform (the police offer lovely family friendly, non uniform office hours roles..). Some shifts are day shifts and no more nights, but some shifts are still 12-10 (he leaves about 35-40 mins before) which is taking a toll on me and I dread to think how I’ll manage when I get further on.
He seems to think I’m just being lazy for things not being done and me struggling is just passed off as moaning. He had me up until nearly 12am the other night because he wasn’t doing the downstairs cleaning on his own (it was already late before starting), despite me telling him how tired I’ve been lately with pregnancy.
I haven’t been well for 2 days and today he had to take a day off as I physically couldn’t look after DS and no one else. He’s told me he’s really pissed off at me for it, stormed upstairs to the bedroom where I was, slammed the window shut, grabbed the quilt forcefully off me to swing about that hard it swung the lampshade, chucking it back down on me and slamming the door so hard the handle now doesn’t work properly.
He then ignored me for most of the day before coming to lie on the bed without apologising, just complaining that he had been pissed off at me and he was getting bored and frustrated lying here with me when I didn’t have any ‘craic’ and he’d feel better about being there if I did - erm what poorly person is a barrel of laughs?
I’m laid here feeling sorry for myself and pregnancy hormones raging, just wanting to cry. I’m scared these are red flag signs of things to come and I’m going to end up with PND again. I know it sounds ridiculous but I hate his job so much and just wish he had a ‘normal’ job. Or maybe I’m just the bad person and I should be doing more?
Sorry for the rant, I don’t have anyone to talk to 😞