DC telling you they hate you

[LooseGoose22]

My dd, only 4 and a half is already telling me she hates me - this is almost entirely when I dont let her do something (for reasonable reasons) or if I (rarely) do something accidentally that inconveniences her.

So also attaches to other rlmen sometimes eg the other Mum on a play date, or a female friend of mine she needs and is super affectionate, starts calling them Mummy, starts saying she wants to live with them etc.

Shd does the same to her Dad (hate you stuff) but not the calling other women Mummy ie other men, Daddy.

(She is generally very well looked after, gets most of what she wants, a lot of effort put into taking her places, doing child oriented stuff, we're affectionate parents, not sure about my husband but tells me she loves me a lot etc).

The above behaviour can be embarrassing with other Mums/friends... but it's also a bit hurtful, even though I usually successfully tell myself she's a 4 Yr old child.

How do you deal with this?

When she did the Mummy thing to another Mum on a play date (who wasn't going along with it), I asked her afterwards why and she said it was because she was angry because I gave the other child/ren a gift and she didn't get one. I explained they got the gift because they were leaving (emigrating), and that she gets plenty of stuff.

It occurred to me a few mins later that she'd started the mummying of the other Mum early in the playdate, long before I given the gift bag ... so ??!!. I saud that to her and she then had no explanation.

I dont really get it; is it that she knows she "has" me, and wants every (other) woman's attention and priority too?

I also think the playground thing needs to be nipped in the bud too.

Last time she did it, I walked off towards the gate pretty sharpish.

It is up to you as her parent to show her how to behave properly and how to manage her emotions. If you don't like her behaviour, tell her how better to behave and if you don't like what she says, tell her if she can't say anything nice/kind, dont say anything at all and explain why

Is she very extraverted?

With women who show her attention and interest, yes.

She's used to getting lots of attention from my sister and niece.

(Though the first lady I remember her mummying was not showing her loads of attention, she was trying to manage her own two on the play date. And the ppl at collection are not either, tmshevysed to run towards ne then swerve towards someone else... then just started running straight for another parent).

Does nursery mention anything?

No.

They said she was v quiet at first, then started being v chatty towards the teacher/reaching assistants (probably cause she was so used to my sister etc), was slow to play with others, but then started doing so.

I think she can be v shy with other kids sometimes, and the class is a big and boisterous one so I wasn't surprised. But v glad she plays with several now.

I have ... she is v articulate has several phrases to indicate she doesn't want to talk about something (!) she started using them.

I responded I was going elsewhere to do something else.

I raised it again when she joined me, she said she was angry abt the colouring abd thought I'd done it on purpose

She hasn't much explanation for the mummying to my friend and talk of living with them. I e explained that anyone can seem nice when you dont know them, that not everyone actually wants to look after kids, and that - if she did live with other people, they would have to say no to her sometimes too, she wouldn't get everything her own way all the time with them either.

I appreciate that might be too involved for her age (though she is v bright and articulate).

Does being too soft mean she basically rules the roost with you? What she says goes?

I err on the softer, easygoing side of parenting, however she usually relatively reasonable and amenable so ...

If I really have to stand on something, I do and just repeat myself "that's not happening because abc"

My four-year-old is similar. When she’s angry about not getting her own way, she often says, “I don’t love you anymore” or “I’ll never love you again”. When she’s upset because she’s been told off, she sometimes plays the victim, e.g. “you don’t love me anymore”, or “Now I’ll never have a treat again”.

I don’t really have any advice because I’m not very good at discipline. I sometimes say, “that’s not very kind” or, “well, I still love you”. But I put it down to DD only expressing all of her feelings in front of close family. She usually behaves well at nursery, then decompresses as soon as she gets home.