Teenaged Man

[Spangles192]

I've name changed for this because I feel embarrassed posting about it!

I have been with my boyfriend for a year - he's 52 and big gentle bear of a man. I worked with him 30 years' ago and we reconnected last year on LinkedIn (but that's another story!).

Anyway, here's the 'issue' and I don't how to deal with it (although I have mentioned it to him before) but he still does it. He acts in a way I find completely inappropriate, like for example if I'm getting ready for bed and take my bra off, he shouts "wahheyyyyy!!!" as if he were a 15 year old boy. He's quite loud as well so sometimes, this actually makes me jump! Another thing he does, which is hard to explain but I'll give you an example: yesterday he said "have you seen the film Alive?" and I sort of grimaced and said that I hadn't actually seen it but yes, I knew what it was about and he went on to say "yeah, they end up having to eat each other and slice bits off each other" and I said "yes ok, I KNOW, you don't have to go into the details". I always feel a little on edge, like I wonder what he's going to come out with next. The other morning he said 'can I have a coffee please, as it might activate things' with a knowing wink. I mean, I really don't want to know.

I always feel like he takes things a step too far and I'm on edge wondering what he is going to say next. He is making me feel like I'm really uptight but I am definitely not!

Do you think I'm overacting? I want a man not a teenaged boy and in all other respects, he's a lovely bloke but this is starting to grate on me.

Ick.

Time to send him back. You shouldn't be feeling on edge and jumpy around him.

Do remember that it is okay to say this isn't working for me, thanks, bye.

Even though you may want to be compatible, it doesn't sound like you are.

Well, they never fully grow up do they?

he shouts "wahheyyyyy!!!" as if he were a 15 year old boy

I doubt even 15 year old boys do that.

Between that and telling you a coffee might “activate things” - ugh what a turn off.

End the relationship.

There is a reason he is single 😉

Can't say any of that would necessarily bother me. But I'm not the one dating him. If you've got the ick then it's probably time to call it a day. He is who he is. If it doesn't work for you then time to be grown up about it yourself and walk away.

I can't work out the thing with the coffee, does he mean an erection or taking a number two.

They definitely do. Unfortunately some of them just grow into arseholes.

This wouldn't bother me, and I wouldn't say he sounds immature so much as very uninhibited. But clearly it bothers you.

Have you tried saying something like "You know Gerald, when you make comments like that, it makes my vagina want to shrivel up and die"?

Making it very clear that it's a massive turn-off for you might give him an incentive to start running things through an internal filter before opening his mouth!

He means a number 2!

My boyfriend is 58 and can be a bit like this.

Isn't it wonderful that everyone is different?

He has just left after staying for the weekend. We had friends round last night for dinner. He shopped for food, cooked everything from scratch and cleaned the kitchen afterwards. I didn't do a thing. And then today he said he hoped I didn't mind but he'd put his underwear in my laundry basket after his shower. Of course I don't mind but then he said he expected them washed in the river and I had to he bare breasted while I did it and he'd know if I wasn't.

It's one of the things I love about him - the fact he's not always a staid and sensible middle aged man and hasn't fully grown up. Because I'm similar.

So there's nothing wrong with him. Or you. But you're not compatible in this respect.

I thought he meant the coffee would give him energy for sex 😆

he sounds childish

I don't think you're over-reacting at all.
Personally for me, it would be a real turn-off as it comes across juvenile and sorry quite thick.
I would have to say something to him, but it's hard to get 52 year old leopards to change their spots.
Good luck.

He sounds like my boyfriend... And me!! I'm 41, he's 35, for context 😂

Some of us are just... I will use the word 'daft', but I appreciate for many, a better word is perhaps 'juvenile'. It sounds like a fundamental incompatibility to me.

You're allowed to be with someone less juvenile, and equally he probably needs someone that will happily embrace his childish side. I wouldn't want to change for anyone, and I'd be miserable if I felt I had toe the line, so to speak, and suppress my rather peurile humour and I think my bf would feel the same. That said, perhaps you can sort of meet in the middle by talking it through, ask him why he feels he's like this and what he gets out of it - and then you do the same; explain why you feel you converse the way you do etc. It might be an interesting conversation that leads to a better understanding of each other that will help you both decide if you can both make required adjustments, or if you need to call it a day. Although, I don't quite know how that works in reality (finding a compromise with this), or how happy you'd both be.

I hope you figure things out one way or another.

Tbf, he's right and it's a well known fact.

Again, this wouldn't bother me but if it bothers you...

I mean, I wouldn't share my toileting habits with anyone but if they do, the n I have two choices. I either accept it (we're all human and we all do it) and it's not a problem or I don't and end it.

These are the sort of things I'd never dream of asking someone not to do simply because it's their personality and who they are. You either accept someone fully as they are or you don't. And if you can't, then it's time to walk but telling him you find it disgusting or whatever would be inappropriate.

Mine is like that and he’s a lot older than 50, he’s not likely to shout waheey, more likely a soft “hello sexy, and licking his lips, I enjoy the attention, at 63 and size 14 a man that finds you attractive is good.