I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years, didn't plan to get married yet but we are comfortable with our current zone. We have a good chemistry, we love each other, and always have fun together but not when it comes to money as we always argue when talking about it. We both are working but I earn more than him.
I am very strict when it comes to financial and very sensitive when someone's asking for a help in form of money as I had bad experiences with it. I got cheated multiple times when I tried to help.
Back to my boyfriend, the first year of our relationship, he helped me a lot when I was short of money but he also complaint a lot. On our 2nd year of relationship, that was when I started having a stable job with stable economy, so I was paying off what I owed him slowly. But years ahead, when all my debt cleared, he was still asking money from me, borrowing actually, but never pay me back. At first I was fine with it as I always felt in debt since he helped me a lot when I was having a financial crisis although I had it all cleared out. One day, he asked for my help to make a loan from the bank but under my name as he was not eligible to apply for a personal loan. And it was for his mom. Since it was a big amount and I was aware of the risk so I didn't help him. But in the end I still did it for him after he asked multiple times (asking in different years). I did tell him that I won't help him to pay any cent of the loan and he agreed with it. No black and white.
Years passed by, my financial gotten better and better (he knew it) and every time when I was with him, my money would become his. Paying food and goods using mine. So I felt very unfair and did talk about it to him. I told him I helped him enough already and asked him to manage his financial as it was affecting mine too much. He actually did listen to me and only borrow when he really need it. But still there were times when he didn't pay back which got me still upset about him. But of all those, what I upset the most is the loan and it made us argue every time when talking about it. It was because he didn't pay as he promised, always paid late, not being able to pay for few months, and I had to clear up for him. I even helped him pay like 5% of the installment to lighten the burden. Everything is not as what we agreed. Recently we argued again because of it and I ended up asking him to apply a personal loan under his name as he is now qualified, to clear up all the outstanding amount so he will have to still continue paying from his side without involving me.
Honestly, idk how he felt and see it but from my perspective, he was angry. He said, "It's not that I don't pay. Just a small amount short and you went bla bla bla". I mean it doesn't make sense to me. Since it was a small amount so I can pardon him and ignore? Even the bank will ask for that small amount so why can't I? I don't know anymore. Am I too obsessed with money? Am I the wrong here?
I really want to save my relationship but when it comes to this, I really can't imagine how our marriage life would be like.