Looking into divorce options

[NumeroZero]

When everyone says get your ducks in a row, what do you mean?
Tl;dr dh got arrested for pushing dd. Charges now dropped with nfa. He is allowed contact again,(since friday) but hasn't, except to ask me to drop his medicine to a mutual acquaintance. Hasnt text or asked about the dc. Then again, the dc have not asked about him either.
I think he is probably angry at what has happened.
He is booked into a hotel until early next week. I have no idea of his plans. He is an alcoholic and I can see from the joint bank account he is going to pubs etc. The kids say that they probably want him back, but only sober, but are smart enough to realise we would have to move etc if divorced and have mentioned this calmly.
Realistically, whatever his plans, I think this is leading to separation and/or divorce.
So, while he is out of the house, what do I need?

1. I have the passports and both certificates, marriage certificate and medical details. Should I keep these in the safe, or take them to work? He does have keys and is legally allowed in.

1. I have an old pay slip of his from years ago, but I will try and find an updated one?
2. I have written down all regular bills coming out of the joint account. It's on my list to find out account numbers, whose name it's in. I know what I want to cancel in my name, but some I dont know what they are. I need to find out balances of cc (his card, i am a card holder) and any outstanding finance he has.
3. I have the most recent mortgage statement from the bank. This comes out of the joint account.

5.i have opened my own bank account and can ask my pay to go into this - but is this ok to do as we are still obviously jointly liable for various bills? Am I allowed to transfer some money (and how much) in case he just drains it?

1. I have a day off during the week so am going to organise an appointment with the local cab to get advice or mortgage, kids arrangements, housing and what I might be entitled to as I work full time but am a low earner.
2. Can I start to declutter/get rid of bits in preparation? For example books? Also, we will need to empty the loft - it's mostly kids stuff. Can I book a skip, or is this too big an expense?

Anything else I can do to prepare?

Anyone please? 😊

I'd pull your share from the joint account before he drains it. And then transfer back as bills need to be paid

Am I allowed to do that?

NumeroZero I’m sorry, I don’t have advice but I feel for you and I hope you are ok. It must be overwhelming. I never know what everyone means re: ducks either. (I do understand the metaphor, just not the whats and hows.) You sound determined, you can do this.

As long as whatever money you remove from the joint account is documented, and you can explain in the financials discussion during the divorce process, then I don't see why you can't stop paying in, or withdraw your share. But if you are unsure then the first duck in the row would be a good solicitor. They will be able to tell you what else you will need.

1. passports etc… remove to a safe place. Work safe or a trusted friend.
2. remove half the money in joint account now. OK to do this.
3. Don’t book a skip. Expensive. Start decluttering. Put things in boxes and put on Freecycle. They’ll be collected from your driveway/ porch. Only dispose of low value items like this —- outgrown toys, books. Don’t dispose of husbands stuff.
4. See a solicitor ASAP. Write your concerns for the solicitor in descending order — e.g. Safe contact for the children if they want it. Payment of bills, how to get his half paid.
5. Do NOT allow him unsupervised access to the children. Alcoholics get angry, they blame everyone for their problems except themselves. I’m not saying he’d harm the children but he may well decide to punish you. Please be careful. I was married to an alcoholic, I know how they can think. Mine threatened all sorts.

Good luck, stay safe.

Try citizens advice as a first stop. They will advise you about accounts etc. No to skip as will set you back a few hundreds pounds which you could probably do with keeping hold of. It sounds like you and the children need calm in your life. Good luck.