What is wrong with me?! One night stand

[Heroicallyl0st]

Hi, I’m having a mini panic because I had a random one night stand on Friday with a stranger I’d just met. This is SO not me. I’m 37 and previously had only one sexual partner who was my husband - we were together a long time and he left very suddenly in a really awful way, so I’ve been too hurt by what he did to me and I haven’t had the confidence/desire to sleep with anyone since, let alone entertain the thought of committing to another relationship. It’s like something just snapped in me and I slept with a 22yr old on Friday. I’m so out of practice at thinking about safe sex/contraception and I feel a bit sick about it now. He wore a condom but now worrying - best to get the morning after pill perhaps? And now I’m panicking about STIs - perhaps I should have asked but he could have lied anyway, should I get tested, is that a thing, should I be worried? I’m such an idiot. Please someone be kind and tell me what I should do in case there’s anything I haven’t thought of. Thank you

Did you get his number? If it was a good performance a young lad is likely to be up for something casual. Come around every few weeks and treat you.

Yes both parent and husband. 6 years into much needed therapy! Think that’s why I finally snapped and acted on my desires and then had a meltdown afterwards! Every time I step out of my box a little bit, my mind says, ‘DANGER - get back in the box!’ I’m a work in progress!

I am ex strict religion religious. Keep practising and you will be fine. ;)
Just remember you should enjoy / consent wholeheartedly to any sexual act.

All sounds fine except the oral with no condom. I'm sure it's OK but that's quite risky so don't do that again.

There are some great books about at the moment which I'd recommend. I'm post divorce and having an excellent time discovering my sexual side again. Try Available (although be prepared to be jealous if her ability to climax so easily!) and Feeling Myself by Natalie Lee.

You're right to be aware of the risks, but also just enjoy yourself. You can test as regularly as you like to put your mind at ease regarding the oral.

Yes, it's funny, isn't it, when you start to be able to see through your own conditioning? It made me feel like I didn't know who I really was... perhaps I was just some sort of trained monkey?

It's a good position to be in though, when you start to see through it all. Like a springboard to who you really are/what you really want.

Glad you don't still feel criticised, and that you can see it was meant with an air of support.

OP, I think what you need to do is poor yourself a glass of fizz (maybe wait til this evening,- or maybe not!) and celebrate your moment of unbridled sexuality.
then track down this lad and book yourself in for next month.