Does chick lit give a false impression of relationships?

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

I would say it does, but I don't a) read that much of it or b) take it seriously. I did read a thread here by someone who was having self-esteem issues once, and one of the replies stated that they (the responder) had had no good role model for a family or relationship growing up, having got their ideas of what a good relationship should be from Jackie and Just Seventeen magazines, song lyrics, novels and films.

Genuine question by the way, not a journalist here or someone seeking to use the answers, other than satisfy my own curiosity.

Several of my friends are successful novelists, not chick lit but contemporary women's fiction I guess, and one in particular features strong women, good friendships, phoenixes rising from the ashes, but they do often fall in love, but it isn't mushy.

I 100% blame my poor relationship decisions on my teenage addiction to Mills and Boon books! It is hard wired into my brain that that is what love is. Logically I know it's not, but that's what I want! 😂

... having got their ideas of what a good relationship should be from Jackie and Just Seventeen magazines, song lyrics, novels and films.

And then the guy just doesn't measure up in a number of ways, so they become disillusioned and repeat the pattern with a different one, without thinking that they're contributing or not setting boundaries, maybe.

As a teen in the 80s Sweet Dreams was popular it was as a series of books (100s) about teen romance . I thought that was what happened. A boy asked you out and you dated went to the cinema, held hands - possibly broke up - dated someone else and on it went but inevitably you would end up getting married having babies and live happily ever after.

ive DCs and single and happy with life. Never married, never lived with anyone and, hand on heart, don’t think I ever will and it really isn’t an issue

I used to read one a day at one point, I'd stay up till 3 😂

In my head, the man who is a bit emotionally unavailable will change once he realises he loves me. So I start off every relationship showing my best self, doing everything and being happy to do it! Then I start feeling taken for granted and, like every Mills and Boon book there will be a big fight. Then the make up and I'll be loved and cherished forever.

Unfortunately, I usually start off every relationship like this but when I get disillusioned they don't change 😂and I have to face reality that I keep picking men who aren't compatible with me!

Surely it depends on the individual writer. If they have healthy experiences of relationships then they will be more likely to write books that stay true to that. There's other ways to smatter in drama that don't involve bs like 'oh he is a bad boy but he'll change for me'.

To be fair I think that most literature, drama, films etc give a false impression of relationships - good relationships and bad relationships. They are a truncated view and all thrive on some kind of storyline and drama. ime 95% of life is not like that, it's putting your socks on and realising there's hole in them, it's reminding dh to buy toilet rolls on the way home, it's leaving for work in a rush and suddenly noticing that the sweet peas you planted have got flowers on them. It's also about moments that are tender and funny, or maybe moments when you're frightened and upset.

Even in good books the descriptions of friendships are a damn sight more lively than mine. I find I'm listening to friend X moan about her 85 years old mother for the 3rd time this week. The adventure we have on a sailing holiday is a speck in the ocean.

Popular culture as a whole - books, movies, music, etc - definitely play a role in socializing people into internalizing unrealistic expectations and impressions of relationships.

I feel like I've woken up to it only recently and I suddenly realized just how influenced I've been by pop culture and how abundant the unhealthy messages are. For example, I'm a fan of Dua Lipa and her song "Physical" came on my shuffle the other day, and it occurred to me how the lyrics basically describe lovebombing, something which has definitely been normalized through pop culture.

I've never read much chick lit (I was always more of a horror/thriller reader), but films and music definitely influenced my understanding of love and relationships.

I blame EastEnders for giving people a false impression of what a normal relationship is like, to be honest.

I don't think it gives a false impression, more an idealised fantasy.

As a (male) friend once said to me, "so you meet your knight in shining armour and ride off into the sunset... then what?"

The chick lit doesn't cover the "then what" part!

I thought Chicklit was a chewing gum!
😚

Way too many 'enemies to true love' story lines which set too many people up for thinking high-conflict relationships = passion.

The whole flaw with chick-lit is to build a narrative based on the idea that a woman needs or craves a man to 'rescue' or 'complete' her. I have never met anyone, male or female, who was happy in their relationship who was not happy with themselves, or at least content with their own person. This often perpetuated mindset that we need other people for our own sense of fulfilment, or to fill a void is the basis of disaster. It fosters co-dependency, tolerance to abuse or neglect just to be in a relationship, and it makes some people feel that they can never be happy while single. It devalues friendship as friends are often abandoned or neglected in the pursuit of true love in these sorts of stories. Bridget Jones is portrayed as a source of humour and amusement as she lurches from one unsuitable man to another, while having a neurotic melt down about her weight, or her attractiveness. If she was real, she would be dull as dishwater to have as a friend, and unreliable as a partner. The sort who wanted to talk about 'her' latest man, or drama all the time while you fall asleep in the corner listening to her droning on. It doesn't help that society expects people to conform with the coupledom model of adult life where you are expected to date, to live with or marry someone and settle down. It is nice to be single and living alone for some people, and they are happier that way.

I'd say TV shows and movies for women, and porn for men, give unrealistic ideas of what sex and relationships are like.

Not just chick lit, most films. And songs. The over-romanticised image of relationships in fiction and media in general has a lot to answer for. It starts so early too, in Disney films etc. No wonder some women are so susceptible to things like love-bombing (although presumably there are also often more complex reasons why women go for / put up with such dodgy men).

Tbh though, I don't remember a time when I didn't see this image for the nonsense it was. You only have to look around you and observe people and their relationships to see that life does not function like a Mills and Boon novel!

You might as well blame James Bond.

One reason I like Jane Fallon’s books is that the heroine often ends up single. There might be the prospect of a future relationship but it’s definitely not seen as something that’s needed to complete her.

Another reason is that there’s a real importance placed on friendship, and especially female friendship.

I just looked at a Katie Fforde book that featured this little gem: "I'll give you two seconds to get to the door, but if you don't run I'm very much afraid that I'm going to have to make love to you"

I want a light, fluffy, Happy Ever After romance to read. Real life has enough little dramas that I don't want whilst in my hour long bubble bath with a glass of wine. Surely no-one believes Chick-Lit is real? After all, they didn't buy a Biography.

Of course it does, it's fiction. I used to really like them but now I think they're unhealthy. There's usually a sexual element to them, even if it's very slight/coy and a subtext rather than full on. The narrative of love frustrated, I find sexual too.

It's amazing how many of these books have couples who really like each other, but don't manage to get together until the end due to a series of misunderstandings. I spent years thinking that my relationships would work out eventually. It was only when I met DH that I realised that actually if someone likes you, they will generally tell you, and more importantly act like they do. So yes, I think they very much can give a false impression.

Stuck in the house during covid I read a lot on my kindle. (It was cheaper to read lots of kindle unlimited rather than buy). I was surprised by the stories passing as young adult, many of them weren't far of soft porn.

Usually young attractive woman (single mum or successful career) meets young handsome man who she falls passionately in love with finds put he's a troubled ex special forces who needs her help to become whole or else he's a billionaire.

That's the kind of thing I mean. And I love your user name @Devotedcatslave as I am one too.

@DatingDinosaur is right, the story stops with the thought of happily ever after and doesn’t address what happens next. Most of life is just not exciting enough to be made into a book or film, including most parts of a relationship.

That's the point though? They're mot meant to be relationships manuals. Like those Victorian books about nonexistent "virtuous" women. Just silly unrealistic escapism. Like the fact the bad guys in romance are always so bloody obvious.