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Original poster

older woman hitting on younger guy

27 replies

Yankey812 · 03/07/2022 03:09

Is this kind of weird? Let's say the woman is 60 the guy is thirty odd. They are friends in a work environment and then she fancies him and wants to go on a date with him? Just to clarify I work in this environment it is not me but has happened to someone else and I think it is kind of inappropriate. Also the guy rejects her but she still wants to meet up with him as friends.

OP posts:
Billylilly · 03/07/2022 03:15

Age and gender is irrelevant, tut continuing to hit on/pursue anyone who is not interested is inappropriate.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2022 04:11

'Hitting on' anyone at work is bad. If there's a power imbalance, it's even worse. Continuing when someone has made it clear they aren't interested is dreadful.

GreyCarpet · 03/07/2022 05:18

Well I'd think anyone, male or female who, at 60, was hitting on someone nearly half their age would be a bit dodgy. .

I also think that continuing to pursue someone who has made it clear they're not interested is inappropriate.

In a work environment, it's an awful situation to be on the receiving end of. You have no escape and no respite.

Casper10 · 03/07/2022 05:57

Sounds creepy

StopStartStop · 03/07/2022 06:44

64, get interest from 30 somethings and 40 somethings all the time. Dread to think anyone imagines I'm 'hitting on' them! But if some woman wants to try her luck with an adult ... good luck to her.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 03/07/2022 08:23

I don’t really see anything wrong with this as such, if you like someone then you like someone, if the guy says no the women should stop chasing, that goes for both genders and same gender.

Works environment is worse, especially if the older person (of either sex) in more senior role and behaving inappropriately towards a junior worker.

ImustLearn2Cook · 03/07/2022 11:42

I agree with the pp who have said it’s inappropriate to continue to pursue someone who has said no/not interested. As for age differences like that, I have no problem if the the relationship is genuinely mutually consenting.

ImustLearn2Cook · 03/07/2022 11:43

Just want to add mutually consenting with all people concerned being adults and legal age of consent.

Original poster
Yankey812 · 03/07/2022 12:53

If a 60 year old went out with an 18-year-old most people would think it was inappropriate so age does matter she is nearly 60 whereas he is a young man. Also what do they have in common nothing. Maybe she accepted to just be friends but still wants to meet up with him as friends is kind of still pestering friends usually means fuck off. There is no power balance though

OP posts:
ILikeHotWaterBottles · 03/07/2022 13:02

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/07/2022 04:11

'Hitting on' anyone at work is bad. If there's a power imbalance, it's even worse. Continuing when someone has made it clear they aren't interested is dreadful.

This.

VJasper86 · 03/07/2022 13:04

I don't think 60 to 30 is that big of a deal. 60 to 18 would feel a bit different but still if people find each other attractive and both know what they are getting into then it's their choice, right.
My sister was 18 when she started dating her 33 year old partner and their relationship is a lot better than the one I have with my husband who is 4 weeks older than me.
I think the issue is more that its at work, so there are other issues at play such as seniority of staff level, positions of power etc and also if one has made it clear they are not interested then you shouldn't pursue it if it is uncomfortable for the other person.

LoudingVoice · 03/07/2022 13:06

Surely the 30 year old grown adult man can choose not to spend time with this person as a friend if they don’t want to?

I see no issue in general with the age gap if both parties were happy with it but she should respect his wishes if he’s not interested and he shouldn’t go along with the friends thing if he’s not comfortable doing so.

DatingDinosaur · 03/07/2022 13:40

If Person A isn’t interested and has made this clear, Person B needs to back off and respect that and also recognise that Person A might not want to pursue a “friendship” outside of work due to Person B’s previous/ongoing romantic(?) interest.

Person B should remain professional and polite in a work context and forget any ideas about forging anything more outside of work with Person A.

Age difference, job role, seniority, gender, etc. doesn’t matter a jot.

Original poster
Yankey812 · 03/07/2022 13:48

Yeah the peon could just say no I suppose it just make it awkward to work with the person

OP posts:
MintJulia · 03/07/2022 14:24

It's straightforward. She asks, he's a grown up and says no thanks firmly. If she keeps pestering him that's harassment and he warns her once and then reports it.

just the same as millions of women have had to do over the years.

springbreak22 · 03/07/2022 14:30

Do you like the 30 year old she is hitting on Hmm

layladomino · 03/07/2022 15:17

Their age has nothing to do with it. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have a similar age gap. Not saying it doesn't turn heads or that it's common, but it isn't abhorent either.

And certainly being friends I'd say is 'normal' between those ages. A friend of mine, at mid forties, has a 'best friend' who's nearly eighty. That's one example and there are many more.

If she is stalking him or harrassing him then that's not on, and he should report it.

Are you sure the recipient doesn't like this women, even if only as a friend? Are they concerned about this potential friendship or are you?

insatiableme · 03/07/2022 17:12

Personally I think age does matter. And the fact he has no interest is even worse

deedledeedledum · 03/07/2022 17:42

Yankey812 · 03/07/2022 12:53

If a 60 year old went out with an 18-year-old most people would think it was inappropriate so age does matter she is nearly 60 whereas he is a young man. Also what do they have in common nothing. Maybe she accepted to just be friends but still wants to meet up with him as friends is kind of still pestering friends usually means fuck off. There is no power balance though

Why come up with an irrelevant hypothetical scenario. He isn't 18. He's a fully grown man in his 30s. There is nothing to suggest she is harassing him. She asked him he said friends only and now she sees him socially as a friend. Seems legit. You on the other hand seen over invested. Are you keen on him?

choochooandspook · 03/07/2022 20:03

sorry but you sound jealous

SalaciousRumour · 04/07/2022 00:46

Hmmn. It would be very, very unusual at those ages and when it does happen, it usually involves a man who lives in a non-European country who wants a visa. Without giving too much away, I do know a man of 41 who married a woman of 60 and he has a terrible reputation for cheating. He also met his now wife through a work situation and I can't imagine he has turned over a new leaf. More like he wants a mother figure to look after him at home so he can get up to all sorts outside the home!

But anyway, in this scenario the guy has turned her down although I guess if she perseveres she might get a ONS maybe? Is it worth it? Is this sexual harassment at work?

Frogium · 04/07/2022 12:31

Yes, it's weird... that you are so invested in this to create a thread. It's also ageist. And sexist. Well done you.

Are you interested in the "young man" and he is telling you these stories of how popular he is and how he has to drive them off with a bat and they just can't resist his charms?

Original poster
Yankey812 · 04/07/2022 23:16

How is it ageist and sexist what a ridiculous thing to say. No I don't like him romantically but he is a good worker and hard working and I am kind of worried that he may leave the job and is being made to feel uncomfortable which is how it seems to me. Also he is very shy and quiet he doesn't have much balls to tell people to do one. Also other people were there when she asked him out

OP posts:
Iceewicee · 04/07/2022 23:20

If you believe it's inappropriate, raise it with management. Most companies have policies about relationships between coworkers, sexual harassment in the workplace etc.

Would you bat an eyelid if it was your male 60 colleague hitting on a younger female colleague BTW?

Original poster
Yankey812 · 05/07/2022 00:15

yes obv I would also think that was inappropriate

OP posts: