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Original poster

My husband want to spend 2 months with his family in summer time

28 replies

acca2017 · 02/07/2022 23:11

My husbands family lives abroad. We go and visit them every CHristmas and summer time. But its been 17 years and I am fed up that my husbands wants to spend his all summer time with his familys house. It is ok for me to travel to see them but I asked my husband to stay in hotel or rent a house because I do not feel comfortable and also it doesnt feel like holiday for me. My husbands family has large 6 bedroom house but i still do not feel comfortable for some reason. I also do not like to spend that much time with my family. I love them all but I do not like to that close. We do have 3 children and thats also makes it harder. Kids do not listen when they see other people around them, they be naughty. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
daretodenim · 03/07/2022 06:54

There are different questions to figure out different solutions. Basically though 6 weeks is a LONG time to spend in someone's house and also to have guests.

Do you want to spend 6 weeks in the country?
Is a hotel or rental apartment affordable for 6 weeks?
Will his family be upset if you're staying outside the house.

So could it be an option to split it up (assuming you actually want to be in the country) and spend the middle 2 weeks as a family of four (or whatever you are, just not with inlaws) visiting elsewhere in the country?

Is it possible for DH to go with the kids and you arrive 2 weeks later taking some time for yourself first?

There are other suggestions I could think of however summer holidays are about to start so some may be too late to organise this year.

My DH wants to go to his family every summer but only for 2 weeks. I've stopped going. I like them a lot but it's too much. 6 weeks would be ridiculous! Would your DH spend 6 weeks living in your parents' house, regardless of size? Would he find it a holiday to be with his inlaws for 6 weeks?

Also, does he like these holidays because there are no accommodation costs and inbuilt, free childcare?

KangarooKenny · 03/07/2022 07:15

Have you asked about this before ? It sounds familiar.

drpet49 · 03/07/2022 07:19

Let your husband and kids go without you. Problem solved.

drpet49 · 03/07/2022 07:19

Also I wouldn’t pay for a hotel when I could stay with family in a large house for free.

P205 · 03/07/2022 07:23

I’m a bit on the fence. How old are your kids?

I have friends who spend the summer abroad at their in-laws house. I think it’s pretty common and I agree that it’s strange to stay at a hotel when they have such a big house.

But if you don’t want to go that’s understandable too.

toomuchlaundry · 03/07/2022 07:27

I’m assuming he is a teacher to get so much time off work. Do the DC like spending all their holidays there, how old are they?

Geamhradh · 03/07/2022 07:30

I live abroad.
Before my mother died I spent every Christmas and a month or six weeks over the summer at her.
The other ten months I live and work in my husband's country.
It's a pretty normal thing for people who live in the country that their partner is from to want to do.

ArcticSkewer · 03/07/2022 07:36

Do you ever get a holiday? Either alone or just you, your husband and kids, somewhere that isn't his parents house?
I wouldn't want all my holidays to happen at my parents-in-laws house.

CrystalCoco · 03/07/2022 07:36

I'd feel the same! None of H's family live in our city so every time we visit with them we stay in their house(s). I can just about manage a night or two! 6 weeks, no chance. We did a trip pre-covid and stayed 2 weeks, it was approx. 12 days too long!

KarrotKake · 03/07/2022 07:46

How much annual leave do you all get!!?

I too have refused to spend all my annual leave staying with the in laws. Over the years we've done several variations:
DH has gone alone
DH has gone with one or both of the kids
We've all gone for the full 2 weeks
We've all gone for a long weekend, then moved on to explore a nearby country. It's a longhaul flight to DHs family, and lots of amazing places not that much further.

No way I could do 2 months in a hotel or 2 months with another family. I'd need a self catering cottage for that length of time.

Hope you find a solution.

ShandaLear · 03/07/2022 07:52

You go for a weekend at the beginning and a weekend at the end.

minuette1 · 03/07/2022 08:00

That's a tricky one as this issue must have crossed your mind when you married someone whose family is in another country - you can't just pop over and have lunch with them, so it stands to reason that your husband would want to spend long holidays with them. I think you just have to suck it up really or not go at all. I'd imagine his family would be offended if you didn't stay with them especially as they have enough room.

SparklingPeach · 03/07/2022 08:05

You're not wrong but neither is your husband. Can you find a compromise, eg he goes for the whole time and you join him for some of it?

Original poster
acca2017 · 03/07/2022 08:56

Hi lovely ladies, thanks for your responses. My husbands family is somewhere really hot and it is nice city actually. I never had any problem with them, i love and respect them a lot. Ofcourse we will go and stay with them every time we visit them but I think 2 months is a lot! The problem actually we visit them too long. If we spend with them 2 weeks and then 1 week in hotel its perfect for me. But we do have restaurants and when we go to holiday my sister and his husband looks after them so my husband always wants to stay in there for 2
months. We do have money but we never travel to see abother counrty in summer time! We ate traviling to other counties every 2 or 3 years for 3-4 days. My got married so early when I were 20 years old. Our children are 12 & 9. My husband called me “selfish” when we argued about this matter and my older daughter came and said to hime “no daddy you are the one who is selfish, we always fed up of staying there that long, if you want go and visit them on your own as well, this year i want to go there only for 1 month”. He was shocked because we never wanted to make him feel sad and we never said that we bored there so much. Every time we visit there my kids miss their schools for 2 weeks because on total they have only 6 weeks summer break. - they also dont like that as well! Her mother and father really loves us, we never had argue or anything but I think its gets harder when your child grow and you get older. I just want relax time. Because when i stay with them I just can not let my mother in law to cook, clean the house or look after kids for 2 months- i do help her ofcourse! So do you think its that is holiday?

OP posts:
Original poster
acca2017 · 03/07/2022 09:02

plus we do have 3 and half years old - well she doesnt care where she lives and she is enjoying there to be honest but its harder with her. But my older 2 children also always complaining to me that they bored whats leave etc…

OP posts:
Original poster
acca2017 · 03/07/2022 09:03

sorry about my spelling mistakes * I just woke up in the bed :):)))

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 03/07/2022 09:04

I think it will only get harder as your children get older as they will want to spend their school holidays hanging out with their friends

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 03/07/2022 09:07

SparklingPeach · 03/07/2022 08:05

You're not wrong but neither is your husband. Can you find a compromise, eg he goes for the whole time and you join him for some of it?

This sounds like a good compromise, I don’t think it’s selfish of him to want to have extended time with his own family in his home country, but also it’s not really fair on you or kids either.

whatsagoodusername · 03/07/2022 09:09

I'm an expat and we go home to my family every summer for 4-6 weeks in summer.

It's a long time and it's not a holiday - it's seeing family. For us, it's also free childcare as I WFH and can work anywhere and Grandma watches the kids and does stuff with them.

You're not being unreasonable.

DH has come for some of the time, sometimes all of the time. We always try to book in a short holiday halfway through (sometimes without the kids) so that we get time on our own. It's really hard to do that long with someone else's family!

Original poster
acca2017 · 03/07/2022 09:13

I asked that! I told him please go 2 weeks before us and we will come back later and he said no because he said he will get bored there with out us! As we have restaurant my husband works really hard in here actually, even sometimes he works on Sundays so that staying at home in there is a holiday for him. But definetely it isnt for me

OP posts:
Original poster
acca2017 · 03/07/2022 09:18

@whatsagoodusername so good that you travel somewhere else as well. We also visited them last April for 2 weeks in easter break. And now we are about to book Our Tickets for Christmas break🤷🏻‍♀️ And every time we go there we spend 6 hours in plain and we lay about £1500-2000 for the tickets! In total we pay about £5000-6000 every year for tickets to visit same county! Plus we go to restaurants, beach sides and spend there as well. I would visit and see 5 countries with that money every year!!!

OP posts:
Floella22 · 03/07/2022 09:21

Firstly stop taking your dc off school for 2 weeks.
Tell your dh the dates you and the dc are flying out and back and he can fit in where he wants.
If he is bored without you then it’s obvious you will find 2 months with someone else’s family too long.
My dgs used to have all of summer break with us.
Hes 10 now and we only have him 2 weeks because he needs to be with his friends too over summer.
I think the dc should be put first and that’s your starting point for negotiation.

SallyWD · 03/07/2022 09:35

I'm in the same situation but my husband likes to stay 3 weeks with family. This is still a little long for (I like my own space!) so we've reached an agreement. My DH and children go for 3 weeks and I go for 10 days or 14 days. This means I get a whole week at home to myself!! For me it's absolute bliss to have a week alone. I look forward to it months in advance. Can you not go for part of the holiday? I agree that 6 weeks in someone's house is too long.

SallyWD · 03/07/2022 09:45

acca2017 · 03/07/2022 09:13

I asked that! I told him please go 2 weeks before us and we will come back later and he said no because he said he will get bored there with out us! As we have restaurant my husband works really hard in here actually, even sometimes he works on Sundays so that staying at home in there is a holiday for him. But definetely it isnt for me

You're trying to offer solutions but your husband won't accept it! There needs to be a compromise so everyone's happy. If your DH insists on being there for 6-8 weeks every summer and the rest of you don't want to then he needs to let you join later! It's very selfish otherwise.

P205 · 03/07/2022 09:57

I think you need to decide how long you are willing to stay and then just stick to that even if he sulks or complains.