DH irritating "jokes"

[user1212121212]

I've noticed that DH has started to make irritating comments, and when I am not amused tries to pass them off as jokes.

I'm getting pretty annoyed by it tbh.

Last week we were bike riding and there was a bike coming in the opposite direction he shouted out User1212 get on to the right side for once. I was completely baffled as I'd been on the right side the whole time?!.

I asked him wtf he was talking about and he passed it off as a joke.

Today on a ten minute drive, that I do safely every single day, he must've made five comments about my driving. Seriously I've been driving years and ever had any issues. He's bumped out car twice since we've had it (1 year 🤯)

I'm aware these seem very small examples but it feels like the only time he says anything is to make these type of passive aggressive sarky comments. When I point this out he says ooooh it's banter, or I'm only joking.

I have pointed out in strong terms that for it to be a joke we should both find it funny. And Im not your pub mate. I don't want your "banter".

This is met with "I can't even have a laugh". Well no, not when it's always at my expense.

Not sure what I'm after here. Just venting I suppose!

My husband is nearly 60, he's exactly the same drives me demented and laughs at his own jokes which is even more annoying. X

Sounds a bit like he is gaslighting you. Soon he'll be making you feel like you're being oversensitive.

A one off comment here or there might be funny, but sounds like he's just deliberately trying to undermine you and patronise you at any opportunity, then passing it off as a "joke". It's a bit manipulative.

Raise it with him and have a serious conversation about it. I couldn't be with someone like that.

It's weird how he's suddenly started behaving in that way when he wasn't before.

I'd start doing it back. I bet he doesn't find it funny when it's on him.

If it fails to register I think you need a good talk. Sit him down one night, with a list of examples, and explain that it's not funny and is denting your confidence. That it either stops or you stop doing these things together. That you're serious and hope your relationship can improve (make him a bit scared of how seriously you're taking it).

Everyone makes the odd backseat driver comment about things but it's not fun when it's constant, especially when it's hypocritical.

My gut instinct was to start doing it back and see what reaction you get

Start doing it back!

“Haha, listen to the car pranger here trying to tell me how to drive. Thanks for that, Lewis.”

”Who died and made you the boss of cycling?”

”Get over yourself, you big twat.”

“You’re hardly Michael Macintyre, are you?”

Do not ever try to defend yourself (“I was only…” “I was in the right lane…”) because he’s trying to lower your self esteem so he’ll feel better about himself. Fight fire with fire.

start having banter at his expense and see how he likes it

I would find it hard not to give him my best resting bitch face and say "do you think you are being funny?". If that doesn't work maybe "stop being a dick" would.

Thanks all.

I've tried not to do it back because I find his behaviour quite childish, but I may well just give it a go.

I often give him the death stare when he makes these stupid comments.

I'm going to start making a note of these comments and then present him with it to see what he has to say.

I'm sure there are occasions when I could take what he's say as a joke, but often he just comes across as chippy!

Yep, it’s a getting older thing. Very irritating.
I’m starting to feel like my DH”s carer now, the age gap seems to get bigger every year.

He has certainly got worse as he's gotten older. He's okay 45 so goodness knows what he'll be like in another 20 years 😳