Please bare with me, I’m new here so don’t know any mumsnet slang yet! This is a bit of a long one…
I’ve been with my partner for 9 years. We have two DDs together (2 under 2 so life can be stressful and chaotic but I wouldn’t change a thing). We also have a mortgage together. We used to be a really solid and happy couple, he was my best friend in fact, but I think as times gone on we’ve just fallen out of love. I don’t feel respected or appreciated and find myself doing basically everything for our girls and our home. I am expected to give up all of who I am, for example after a busy day of working, looking after the girls, maintaining the house, sorting dinner, cleaning up, bathing the girls and putting my eldest to bed, I’ll come downstairs for him to pass our youngest over and say he’s going up to bed at 8:30pm!? I have to actually ask his permission to go and have a shower as I haven’t had a minute to myself to have one all day and he’ll huff like I’m such an inconvenience for wanting basic hygiene. When I say I am never given a minutes peace, I honestly don’t exaggerate. I have my girls 24 hours a day other than when I’m working 8-12.
I suffered with prenatal and postnatal depression with our second DD as he was no support to me at all. At 8 months pregnant, he snapped and accused me of watching porn after I received a spam email in my inbox about some African Banana! It sounds funny when I say it out loud but I was so self conscious of my body because I’d been pregnant with my girls pretty much back to back, had stretch marks and wobbles that I was trying to adjust to aswell as being a whale running round after a 1 year old all day - I just didn’t want to be intimate. He gave me the silent treatment all night (as he often does) and finally came out and said that I must be watching porn which is rich since I won’t go near him. He knew of my insecurities so why he would pick such a ridiculous fight is beyond me, but overall he just wasn’t supportive during my pregnancy and that’s one moment that really stands out for me.
Since suffering with post natal depression, I had hoped he would step up a little bit, help out a little more and just generally have concern about my well-being, but as I mentioned before, even a shower makes me feel an inconvenience. He often books himself weekends away to go fishing on his own while I take care of our girls. He never thinks to book us anything as a family or even some time away the two of us to help me recharge. He is constantly moaning about one thing or another, and rather than appreciating me for the 1000 things I have done that day, he’ll pick on the one thing I haven’t gotten round to.
i could go on for a very long time but it’s not really what I want advice about. I have pretty much made up my mind that I want to leave him as I know I’d be happier on my own in my own little bubble with my babies. All he does is drain me and he’s just miserable and giving me the silent treatment most of the time. I feel like a guest in my own home and I just can’t do it anymore.
i want to start fresh, get my own little place and just enjoy my life as a mum, happy and stress free. To do this I wondered if anyone has any advice on what help I can get. Obviously we will sell the house so I’ll get my deposit money back from that. I am working 20 hours a week at the moment. Is there anything I am entitled to to supplement my income and help me build a life away from him?
any advice would be much appreciated.