How would you respond to this?

[Tangerine58]

Would you be annoyed if a single woman 19 years your DH's junior bought him a novelty jockstrap to wear over his shorts at an exercise class?

Is their friendship confined to doing the same weekly gym class or do they socialise together? Why is she buying him gifts at all? I think there is something quite weird about this.

The friendship is confined to doing the same weekly class. They never socialise together but there have been a couple of group Christmas do's.
At least I now know I'm not a mad harridan at getting annoyed and upset about this.

Do they text/message outside meeting up each week? Perhaps you should try & find out if it is purely platonic. Sorry to worry you but plenty emotional affairs can happen.

I wonder what novelty gifts he bought her?

If it’s a class that’s gone on for ages she might feel safe with him being happily married and thought nothing of it ‘cos he’s game for dressing up as instructor has requested … especially if the instructor said it was theme or something. This really could be nothing @Tangerine58

Yeah, unbeknownst to me they have texted and messaged outside of meeting up each week. I checked his phone for the first time in 30 years. Not much to go on because it was a new thread but it was pretty boring stuff. I don't know if this is because he deletes the threads or because he recently got a new phone.

Yes.

So sorry but this is beginning to piece together as an emotional affair. You should read up on this & so should he. I think you need to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand if it has not already.

Ask yourself why/what they needed to talk about outside of class & why he never wanted you to know ?

You can check his bill statements to see how long it's been going on - you might be better getting all the evidence first before you speak to him about it as he may lie/minimise it as "just friends" You will be able to tell by his reaction - what would he say if you asked him to stop texting/going to the class or asked him to never speak to her again ?

Sounds like a laugh, are there a few people in the office so they can all laugh about it? Surely if it was an affair it wouldnt be a piss take gift?

Hold fire and do a bit more digging first. He might be extra careful this week though. If anything is going on, you will want to find all of it, not 'oh it was harmless' then 'oh it was just a kiss' and so on.
Sorry op!
Could just be a slightly inappropriate friendship so see what turns up

If they were childhood friends or best friends then it can easily be a harmless joke.

However, if she's just someone he sees at his exercise class then it's a bit weird.

Then again, if he's leaving it lying around then that would suggest he's got nothing to hide.

It's a tough one really as it could be perfectly innocent (though the gift is probably inappropriate) or it could be the beginnings of an affair.

Meeting her might put your mind at ease a bit. Your instincts when you meet her will tell you a lot. Is there anyway you could join the class?

@Tangerine58 can you sort of follow and observe? I understand how unsettling it is. Years ago at my first gym there were a couple of older guys who kept fit and the whole group of us just got on really well. There were often crazy shenanigans that went on in the class with no thought as to how it might be perceived, not least because boundaries were easier pre-mobile and soc media. We younger ones (at the time) admired the older ones for joining in/being fun and looking after themselves, if it makes sense. There was never anything remotely improper though. On the other hand, yes it could be something. But do tread carefully.

If he's got a new phone then I would check the old one too, not only for previous messages but to see if he is using it as the burner phone. This was the case with my cheating ex husband.

Thanks. I already asked what the texts were about and he said it was about classes. Which they could have been. The texts I saw were general chat about life, nothing interesting.

Thanks. It could be explained by it being a 'fun' class. I don't know. I've never attended the class. When I suggested before about me joining he told me it would be too difficult for me. I took that at face value. I'm thinking 'red flag' now.
Maybe she's more fun than me but I wouldn't buy that sort of gift for a married man, even as a joke, if I didn't know his wife. TBH I wouldn't buy that for any man other than my husband. It's worrying that what maybe started out as joviality might still be joviality but how it looks to other people in the class ... ?! Can joviality turn into overfamiliarity and then boundaries are crossed.
I am not the type of person to tell anybody whether they can or cannot go to an exercise class, that's for sure.

I think perhaps in your shoes id go along to the class (i know he said it be too hard for you) but is this just an excuse as most classes/husbands would like seeing their wives get fitter. I think you need to be careful- great if it's nothing but a line has already been crossed your not happy about. Is he just ignoring that?

You should definitely go to the class now every time.

Even if it is really a bit too hard, you'll quickly adapt.

Did you manage along to a class OP. Hope you are feeling calmer & it's working out for you.