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Relationships

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Original poster

Am I being a brat?

17 replies

courtrai · 02/07/2022 09:13

Would appreciate opinion's please!

DP and I have been together 3 years. Last year he promised we would take his niece somewhere as a birthday treat. It was to be the 3 of us. This is an expensive trip and not something I'm mad keen on and I've never been before. A few months later he dropped into conversation his dad was going. I questioned this knowing there were 3 tickets and he said as I'd not seen keen he'd invited his dad instead. I was not impressed but it was done.

Now he's looking at holiday - wanted us to go with his parents. His mum has said she doesn't fancy it but his dad wants to go. He's going with just dad as it would be a bit awkward to go as three some plus there'd be single supplements to pay. He's keen to go without me

I feel like I'm second fiddle in these decisions- someone who is assumed to be happy to be dropped in and out of plans depending on what others want to do. He thinks I'm being a brat. For context we do have holidays to ourselves too but these arrangements are making me feel like a stand in.

OP posts:

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 02/07/2022 09:23

Perfect opportunity for you to spend on doing something you want to do.

ErrolTheDragon · 02/07/2022 09:29

No, that doesn't sound like you're 'being a brat' to me. It sounds as though he's being inconsiderate and taking you for granted.

Original poster

courtrai · 02/07/2022 09:40

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 02/07/2022 09:23

Perfect opportunity for you to spend on doing something you want to do.

Oh I will; I just don't like the assumption that I'm fine with being dropped in and out of plans depending on what others want to do. It feels hugely inconsiderate

If it were the other way round I'd not remove him from something we'd planned without checking that it didn't cause upset.

OP posts:

layladomino · 02/07/2022 10:00

I think it's fine for him to go away with his dad or his neice and not you, of course. But wasn't isn't OK is him changing plans that involve you, without discussing it with you. Have you asked him how he would feel if you had planned a trip together then you told him you had asked a friend instead and he was dropped?

If he can't understand why it's not in, or if he chooses not to pretend not to understand, then I would be very wary of his overall approach. He sounds selfish and thoughtless.

layladomino · 02/07/2022 10:01

*That should have said WHAT isn't OK...

Chamomileteaplease · 02/07/2022 10:05

Well he did wrong firstly by bulldozing you into a holiday you didn't want.

Then again by uninviting you and not discussing it first.

Then not discussing any of it with you re his dad, mum, goodness knows who else going.

Be glad you aren't going somewhere you don't want to go but impress upon him the importance of joint discussions in the future.

User1406 · 02/07/2022 13:19

You're not being a brat, he's being highly inconsiderate and immature to force you into plans and then drop you without warning. Definitely some communication issues there that need resolving fast.

Aprilx · 02/07/2022 13:34

Well you said you weren’t keen so I am not that surprised that he changed the plans, but he should have discussed it with you and asked what you wanted to do, not just drop it into conversation.

Original poster

courtrai · 02/07/2022 13:41

Aprilx · 02/07/2022 13:34

Well you said you weren’t keen so I am not that surprised that he changed the plans, but he should have discussed it with you and asked what you wanted to do, not just drop it into conversation.

This is true; had he said 'you don't seem keen and I'm thinking about asking my dad' I would have less upset and . The fact he did it without any reference to me is just rude in my eyes

OP posts:

JustHarriet · 02/07/2022 13:52

You can trust your instincts, you are reading the situation accurately.

There is a respectful way to handle both of these situations, to get to the outcome that has eventuated, but ...he hasn't opted to do it that way

This has happened twice, therefore it's not an 'accident', it does say something about his attitude towards you.

HollowTalk · 02/07/2022 14:06

I don't like the sound of him! What is he like the rest of the time?

Original poster

courtrai · 02/07/2022 14:11

HollowTalk · 02/07/2022 14:06

I don't like the sound of him! What is he like the rest of the time?

Pretty good; we have made a lovely life together. He just can't see why I'd have an issue with this. I know this is brattish but I do
feel like doing the same to him to evidence the fact it's made me feel crappy

OP posts:

SpiderVersed · 02/07/2022 14:11

He sounds a lousy communicator! It’s not a bad idea to take his dad instead of you with the niece, but that should have been discussed with you first.

girlmom21 · 02/07/2022 14:14

Were you looking forward to the holiday? Had you been enthusiastic?

I get why he did what he did with his niece. He probably thought he was saving you the awkwardness of admitting you weren't interested.

HollowTalk · 02/07/2022 14:21

Please stop using the word brat. It implies that you are childish and spoilt. Just because you disagree with him and feel hurt it doesn't mean that you are childish and spoilt. When he uses that word he is belittling you and you shouldn't tolerate that.

Original poster

courtrai · 02/07/2022 14:28

girlmom21 · 02/07/2022 14:14

Were you looking forward to the holiday? Had you been enthusiastic?

I get why he did what he did with his niece. He probably thought he was saving you the awkwardness of admitting you weren't interested.

We were all 4 of us meant to go last year but it was cancelled due to covid. Now his mums changed her mind about going. His dad also needs assistance so it would be difficult for us to go as a 3.

The rescheduling of the trip was only raised this week so I've not had a chance to enthuse or otherwise. I totally appreciate he wants to take his dad away and wouldn't dream of spoiling it for his dad but I just feel sidelined

OP posts:

honeylulu · 02/07/2022 17:52

It sounds like he wants you to make up the numbers and share the cost but if other people work better in the equation he just jettisons you without discussion.

It's not the issue that he wants to do some family trips without you. It's the total lack of consideration- that he decides whether or not it best suits him for you to come and the fact that you might have your own feelings, opinions and decisions doesn't occur to him.

I'd find that unacceptable. It is dehumanising.

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