Hello
I would be really grateful for some encouraging stories of getting out from an unhappy relationship and finding happiness again.
I met my DH when I was in my early 20s. I am now almost 37. To say the least, my childhood was very traumatic and I have suffered from anxiety and depression for many years due to neglect by alcoholic and narcissistic parents. This has undoubtedly contributed to poor decision making and lack of awareness that you will read about below. Please don’t judge.
DH is 7 years older and has always been a very supportive partner who has stood by me in so many struggles. He is a very kind man, a wonderful father (we have an 18 months old baby) and I really cannot fault him much. However, our relationship has for many years been completely sexless. This was because my DH has always been “tired”. As strange as it sounds, for many years it did not bother me terribly as I was suffering from panic attacks and depression and these were the issues I was dealing with from day to day. I was also trying to progress in my career whilst dealing with panic attacks. It is important to add that I really do not have any family which has magnified the sense of loneliness in my life and somehow made me think that having a good partner is enough for a relationship despite lack of romantic compatibiliy!.
However, for the last three years, I have finally grown in confidence as a woman (after years of therapy) and managed to tackle my anxieties for the most part. This has made me realise that I made poor choices and that I was terribly codependent in my marriage. I now feel completely unattracted to my DH, don’t like his smell and feel “ick” when he is touching me. Before this, we agreed to try to reignite things. Things did not improve. This is also when I had an unplanned pregnancy… as I was approaching my mid 30s. I decided to proceed with it as it could have been my only chance to have a child.
It is now clear that I have to leave no matter what as we are just sexually and romantically incompatible. I feel absolutely miserable every single day. However, I know that I will struggle financially having to pay rent/mortgage, bills, half of nursery fees on one salary. It is fairly reasonable one (45k in London) but nursery fees will be absolutely disastrous for me (£1500 for 5 days).
I also feel that that’s it for me in life. That I ruined my life. That I will never be able to rebuild my life and have a long term relationship as a single mother as most men are not interested in single moms. Is that your experience? Has anyone been in a similar situation and has managed to find a partner and build a new family?