Name change
Will try and keep it brief.
I grew up with an alcoholic father who died a few years ago of hypothermia, after collapsing in his garden on his way back from the pub. He was in his 60s and I had been low contact for several years, couldn't face how ill he was, didn't know what to do to help. It was the best way for him to go. He was much loved by many.
He wasn't an awful dad but I probably don't need to describe my childhood. My cousin is also an alcoholic. I was extremely close to my cousin but he became hostile a couple of years ago and having lived with us for almost a year and drank any alcohol of ours and paying no rent, accused us of owing him.money. This cousin has recently got back in touch and is going to AA and realising the effect of his behaviour. Really positive.
This is background to explain my fears and experiences around alcohol addiction.
This said, DH and i have always drunk a glass or 2 of wine with our supper. I have recently felt that I really don't want to do this and would like to just drink once or twice a week. I am finding it hard. Which only tells me that it is rhe right thing to do.
DH does not want to cut back and feels very happy with his drinking levels. I have noticed that it can be a little more than a glass or 2 especially as he has been under a lot of pressure lately, also he sometimes has a little glass of vodka last thing at night. I am finding that I don't enjoy conversation with him when I am not drinking. He is certainly not drunk, and one good thing about him is that he always always stops after supper (until the vodka thing started, which is right before bed I think..?).
He also falls asleep after supper nearly every night which means we don't spend much time together. I then go to bed early and he goes to bed extremely late. I am a light sleeper and he often wakes me up even though he tries to be quiet. He says this is his sleep pattern and he can't possibly change it. His mums pattern is exactly the same.
It has been getting me down, so I tried to bring it up tactfully this evening. He said he thought it was me projecting my own fears around alcohol, that he doesn't drink too much and I should "pick my battles".
I already felt like I had picked my battle and I'm not really prepared to take this as a final statement on the issue. How can I proceed without this turning into a row?
The falling asleep on the sofa I can just about live with as I have plenty of interests. But I'd really like him to try 2 nights a week without drinking at all. His parents drink a steady amount and are both ancient. My parents both died very young. Maybe he feels his consumption is acceptable because his parents seem to thrive upon it. Am I being controlling? Feeling sad and confused.