End of the road ?

[Blackpoollightup]

Hay, I have been with my partner for around 7 months now and we get on really well, but we have differences in that he is very intense/I am his world, whereas I’m happy to see him twice a week, want to see my friends etc
We have spoken a few times now about how I need my own space and it gets better for a few weeks then back to normal. He pressures me, guilt trips me, questions everything, always analysing what I do and say and I’m exhausted !
His ex cheated on him and left him 6 months before we got together, so I feel like he behaves this way due to his insecurities from his previous relationship. I feel really smothered and just want out now. I’ve spoken about it till I’m blue in the face but I feel that we have completely different expectations of each other and the relationship. Equally, he is a genuinely nice guy and I don’t want to hurt him. I just don’t see a future with him.
How do I end this, without making him even more insecure?

His insecurities really aren't your problem to take on

I don’t think he feels the same way, on Monday I was due to go to his and cancelled last minute as I was tired after a longer than usual day at work, and as he had told me at weekend how he was feeling anxious about us that I should have sucked it up and gone to see if, regardless that I didn’t want to. Think the word selfish was mentioned, which then gets me thinking “am I been selfish?”

I will take a guess that his behaviour led his past partner to run away. He wont change so the best thing is to be up front and say that its not working for you and you but you wish him well. He may very well kick off and hound you a bit but stay firm and block if necessary. Be kind and move on.

He sounds like an emotional drain and no wonder you want out. He isnt going to change so either accept that or finish it, I know what I would do!

There isn't any reason why you should stay with a man like this. Dumping him will feel like being released from prison.

Tell him the relationship is getting too intense for you and that's it. It isn't your job to make him feel secure at your own expense

Run, don't walk.

This behaviour will only get worse. Your expectations for the relationship already aren't compatible.

“Think the word selfish was mentioned, which then gets me thinking “am I been selfish?””

Why shouldn’t you be selfish? In fact, it’s vital in any LTR that you’re together because you want to be (ie for selfish reasons), not for altruistic ones. Within the relationship, there will be times where you put your partner first and times when your partner puts you first but the overall drive to be in or out of the relationship has to be based on what you want for yourself.

You don’t owe him a relationship. And he’s wrong for you because a right person would not be putting pressure on you. If he behaved like this in his previous LTR, it’s no wonder it came to an end. You’re not compatible - most emotionally healthy people would find this too much. You need to walk away.

I feel that when we have “the chat” that promises of change will be made, but these issues have being discussed many a time and appear to be on a loop now!

i know he will be extremely upset when I tell him (not till next weekend as I’m away at my parents house at the moment) how do I soften the blow? Why do I feel so guilty?

Sorry but after your history and it only being 7 months I'd be calling him and ending it while you have the space now

@Blackpoollightup sounds v similar to a guy I was dating. He liked me to ‘prioritise’ him. I felt his ‘chats’ were quite a test sometimes which made me wary
of course. Go with your gut

My gut is screaming that I put myself first, this isn’t healthy. It shouldn’t be this hard after so little time should it?
He was working night shift last night so I probably won’t hear much from him till later on.

You seem to want to end the relationship and this I think you should do.

You don’t want to have an intense face to face convo where he will inevitably pressurise you, make promises, talk you round, ignore your wishes.

So don’t.

Send him a text explaining you don’t want to continue with the relationship but you wish him well. Don’t get sucked into explanations - just say it’s not working for you.

His insecurities aggressions are not your responsibility. His previous partner felt the same pressure and self absorption I’m sure.

Take back your own power without a moment’s guilt.

(By which I mean his self absorption. He is pushing for his own needs and doesn’t care about your wishes).

Never ignore your gut. I'm sorry if I've missed how old you are OP. I ignored my gut throughout my marriage. Wish I'd listened. I eventually left. The best decision I made. You're right it shouldn't be like this. He'll do his best to talk you round but you stand firm and out yourself first x

7 months? It should still be fun and light this early in a relationship. Just message him and tell him you don't want to see him anymore.

Women are not rehab centers for broken men.

I'd send a text now, saying exactly what @AtrociousCircumstance outlined. Then block his number.

Just end it. You wont make him any more insecure or less insecure, that is just him.

This! Not all men have issues believe it or not. Took me until my 40s to meet one without any as I'd bypassed lovely people in the past for "projects". It's the one solid piece of advice I chose to ignore to my own detriment

A

So she rang me tonight and I ended up having the chat. Was horrid, very hard for me not to go in to rescue mode.

How do I now handle any future communication? I have no idea whether she will back off or will send me texts trying to understand/wanting comfort. The last thing I want to do is offer her false hope, so how do I navigate this please?

She? He? Who what why when where how. ?