Do I tell my ex

[party56]

Mental health been all over the place - boyf ended up splitting with me because I’ve just not been myself and I haven’t been able to explain it

ive just been up the hospital and they found a large golf ball sized cyst on my ovary. Said it’s likely caused havoc on my hormones last few months.

So it could well explain everything.
We had a kind breakup and it’s only been a week - do I tell him? Or even at least his mum who I was close with?

Are you hoping that by telling him he'll understand things differently and get back together with you? And re his mother, is she your only form of support? I'd err towards letting sleeping dogs lie. It's his mother so her alliance is primarily with him presumably.

The cyst sounds really scary. Glad for you that it's been found, I hope whatever procedure you have to undergo as a result, that you have a speedy recovery. Fluctuating hormones is such a nightmare to try to manage.

I mean that probably is the reason yeah. I was very close with his mum and she always said she’s there for me if I need it (although maybe just being nice).
I just don’t want it to sound like a lie or me being sneaky!

Thank you ❤️

You could tell him, not as an excuse or reason to try to get back together but as a friend, if you have remained on good terms.

But if you did not then no, and you need to find a wider friendship group. Maybe see this as a new more socially gregarious start!

We ended on okay terms, like he said not to be sorry and it’s all good, but we’re no longer speaking. He said I can always reach out if I need to but again that’s probably just being nice

It’s just the shame it could’ve been the reason for my ill mental health which drove him away!

You could tell him in the sense of offering an explanation. I think if I were in his shoes I'd want to know. But I don't think you should put him in the position of asking to get back together. Let him be the one to take that action or not.

Did he definitely end things solely because of your recent moods/behaviour? Or was it more of a final straw thing? It seems a bit odd to break up with someone because they've only recently been acting hormonal, it sort of suggests the relationship wasn't particular strong otherwise. I'm just speculating based on your brief post, obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship, but I do wonder if that was the only reason he ended things.

Do you think telling his mum may be a better idea?
Yeah so my mental health was appalling last few months and I was non stop on his case. I couldn’t pinpoint why and I think this now makes sense

I would tell him
If you tell his mother and hear nothing from him you will be forever wondering if she told him or not
You have nothing to lose in telling him

I think it's better to tell him directly.

You should leave it alone, he could feel pushed into a corner as he feels bad for you. It his family not yours, they are nothing to do with you now.

Nothing to lose. Tell him worst case, nothing changes

I’ve just been doing so well with no contact lol. Plus I don’t wanna sound like a Debby Downer constantly

I would tell him what you've told us.

I would tell him without the expectation of a reply. See it as a way to explain why you have been off to give you both a kind of closure. I'd say something like 'Hi, I just thought you should know that the doctors have found a large cyst on my ovary that has affected my hormones and is probably the reason I was not myself towards the end of our relationship. I'm sorry for my behaviour and hope I didn't make your life too miserable.'

How long were you together?

How 'together' were you? (Dating/together most of the time/living together etc)

Together a year and lived together for a grand total of 3 weeks before he ended things, lol!

What do you want to achieve?
An explanation of why you've not been yourself with a view to things staying as they are now, or going back to how they were?

Or just an apology that blames the medical issue and not you?

I don’t really know. :(

Tell him - you have nothing to lose. He is welcome to ignore the text. It's not like you are stalking him and bombarding him with texts on an hourly basis. One text explaining the situation is fine.

Try not to set your hopes too high tho. Even if he understands, it may possibly not change things for him. For some people, when they are done they are just done.

I was just doing so well not texting him, plus I feel I was always so negative so it’s just another thing isn’t it

The fact is, you really don't know that your cyst caused any changes in your behaviour. Let him go.

Even if for me the relationship was 100% over I'd still like to know because then I wouldn't be wondering about what we've wrong or if Ex ever really cared for and valued me. This wouldn't be in terms of trying to get together again, more an FYI

I'd just send him a message stating what you have found out and that you think its what was causing your mh issues, that you're happy you've got some answers and hope this explains how you acted towards him too (could prob word it better)

That will hopefully give you some closure

The thing is, as a pp said, do you know that the cyst has a direct causal link with you behaving toward him the way that you did? Some brain injuries are like this, but is the cyst? If instead the cyst had an impact on your hormone levels, and in managing that you behaved towards him in ways you wish you hadn't, then this might be more something you chalk up to a lesson learned. We know we are affected by our hormones, but we have to remain responsible for our actions.

Didnt he block you ?