What do I do financially in the short term?

[Isolatedandfrustrated]

I think my husband and I may be separating. He works, I'm a sahm. We have two kids.

The house is mine, so that's not an issue, but it's large and I wouldn't be able to afford to run it by myself.

My plan would be to sell the house, split the profit, I buy somewhere smaller & cheaper to run. He would do the same.
I have my own car. I would go back to work, would probably earn about 20k.

But what do I do whilst all that is happening? It takes a few weeks/months to get a job and to sell a house so until then I would have no income. My husband wouldn't be able to pay bills etc for 2 properties. Do I apply for benefits on day 1 that we seperate? Am I even entitled to anything because I'm a homeowner with no mortgage? Our bills are currently £1600 a month, that's before food, fuel etc. I have zero income

Don’t know about benefits, but wondering if you look into temp work?

Can you both stay in the house till you’re divorced and sell the house?

How amicable is the split likely to be? Could you discuss and day the aim is that in 3/6 months you will go your separate ways but in the mean time you cohabit as co-parents while you both get move on plans in place?

You will be able to claim some benefits and child maintenance.

Can you post full break down of your budget. At £1600, I’m assuming you still have a mortgage. You maybe able to apply for a mortgage break.

No we don't have a mortgage.

If we separate, I want to be seperated on day 1. I cannot begin to imagine having to live with him whilst everything is being sorted out. I really don't think I could cope with that. He could probably go to his parents or rent somewhere temporarily and take half of the furniture.

There are loan payment in that amount that belong to him so I suppose I wouldn't have to contribute towards that.

Did you own the house before you got married or was it an inheritance? It may not be the case that he is automatically entitled to half of the proceeds. Speak to a solicitor before agreeing to anything.

Temp work and child support form him, from day 1.

You keep saying separate, do you mean divorce? You need to get legal advice about the whole thing and what outcome you’re hoping for. As you’re married the house is a shared asset. You can’t make him leave though he may want to. It seems unlikely he’ll be happy to move out and pay rent leaving you in a mortgage free house?

He needs to pay child maintenance as well if you are looking after the children all the time..
Have you agreed childcare arrangements?
He will need to cover childcare costs in his time
Think u can get job seekers allowance whilst you look for work ..

The debts may or may not be seen as marital debts, so you may have to pay towards them or use equity to pay a portion off. The court will decide

I'm sorry you're going through this.

You need to see a Solucitors. A GOOD one.

once you know properly what you are entitled to & responsible for, you can start to make plans, but 'assuming' will not help!

how old are the children?

ehat did you do before you were a SAHM?

who wants the separation?

I hopefully would want to do a no fault divorce, but you don't have to get divorced immediately do you? Some people are still married for years whilst not being together.
I own the house with my family. We had doctors drawn up that husband would recieve a 20% share of the overall worth of the house upon separation. My dad would probably give him that in advance of me selling the house

Please go see a solicitor and start establishing where you stand. The agreement drawn up by your solicitor may well stand. But marriage and divorce are covered by statutory provisions. These trump any contract or agreement. It will be up to you to demonstrate that your share of the property shouldn’t be considered as a marital asset.

Also it’s equally important that he gets legal advice before accepting any capital payment from you. As it will need to go before a judge and that will be the first question asked.

Best thing you can do is go see a solicitor before making plans or offers.

No, you don't have to divorce straight away op. My ex and I separated almost 5 years ago and only started the divorce about 1 year ago. We intended just to wait to 2 years for a 'no fault' divorce (no longer the case) but other stuff got in the way (mainly COVID) and it just wasn't a priority. We were both happy enough with things how they were and neither of us were rushing to re-marry so really didn't see the need to rush into the stress and cost of divorce until the time was right.

Yes to solicitor.

Helpful perhaps to think of it as a timeframe and to do list?

Yes you could go down the seperation route - but you say you would rather a 'clean break'?

Usually you apply for a divorce, then children's matters are settled, only then is there a finance hearing. That is the bare bones of it, but really only the bare bones. Find a decent divorce legal help book there are a few on You Tube some written by solicitors. There is also Wiki divorce. Obviously check with a solicitor but you can find a lot of information that will save you money and help you feel more empowered.

The above can take a year or even two. If there is no dispute it may be quicker than that but the Family Courts have backlogs right now.

Right now you don't have to make decisions about selling the house. What you do need to do is get all your 'ducks in a row' re finances - find the solicitor and start the process.

If you go to court which it sounds like you will remember the decision is not up to either of you, it is the judge's decision how the finances will be allocated. Judges hope that parties concerned will come to a settlement agreement before it gets that far.

You might try mediation - you can do this on finances.

When you become single again there is a surprising amount of new opportunities arising often - i.e you might be able to take in a lodger/foreign student?

Take it step by step. It isn't a quick fix.

RE: benefits - yes as soon as partner is out you can apply for these. Ask the CAB for advice.

Make a file - with all your relevant pieces of paper in and get organised.

Good luck.

I will go and see a solicitor. If I am told that he would be entitled to half the house, that would mean that I would have to stay with him. My dad and I purchased the house but it's in my name only. I could not do that to my dad and my dad would not allow it. How could my husband take hundreds of thousands of my dad's money? I couldn't allow that to happen so I will be trapped with him.

No. Please don't jump ahead - this is not (necessarily) the case. If you go to court as it sounds like you may need to - you go with a 'draft plan' if you can agree. If you can't agree the decision is made ultimately by a JUDGE who will be asking you both a lot of questions regarding your circumstances.

The circumstances INCLUDE the circumstances of your kids - who they will live with etc and that is why I have described the bare bones of the process i.e. .

1. deciding where the kids live/contact. Formal arrangement (court) or informal arrangement between yourselves if that works. If in court then the Children's Act will be taken into account for this - i.e not moving the kids if they are settled in a school etc. Contact etc.
2. The court will then ask for financial disclosure. This means ALL the assets will be taken into account as well as living situations etc. Sounds like you will be in a relatively decent position here as you have no income currently! So that will be taken into account also if you are the primary carer this will be factored in and discussed. You will also need a place for the kids to stay (with you?)
3. After that and after due consideration an order will be made by the court as to who needs to pay who, and how that will be regulated.
4. What you CAN do in court is make proposals and offers i.e what you have said about the house and paying twenty per cent.
5. Courts and judges are not impressed by people wasting the courts time, so if you are a reasonable person who is not seeking conflict - the court will give your proposals a good hearing.
6. Re child maintenance as someone has said - try to come to an agreement informally but if not CMA.

There is no doubt that going to court can be scary. It's about dealing with uncertainty (you do not know what the judge is going to decide or indeed how your soon to be ex will react).

You will NOT have to stay with him. Why should you?

I hope there isn't any abuse that you are suffering from. If so the organisation Surviving Economic Abuse as a helpline.

Also and in any event look at Rights of Women website.

Yes a divorce can be stressful, but plenty on here have been through one so you can ask for advice/support etc. Looking back it is mostly about taking care of yourself and pacing yourself, and staying organised. There are few things worse than scrabbling about for relevant pieces of paper when you need them and looking after kids...

And pacing yourself. It is not going to be a quick fix, and ultimately you will not know how your soon to be ex is gong to react.

It may go well and be amicable but as others have said you need to be aware of the opposite scenario.

How are your bills £1600 before food and fuel and with no mortgage?

That seems very high?

Are you certain that your Dad would prefer that you stayed in an unhappy marriage than lose some money?

@Coldiron yes definitely. My dad is very money focused. I already know my parents will tell me to stay with him regardless of the house

I’m sorry to hear that.

Best see what the solicitor says then.