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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice please

6 replies

Nells99 · 01/07/2022 02:32

Hi I’m new to this but looking for someone’s opinion please… I’ve been with my OH for 8 months and am really confused. I really feel like he’s pulling away and is really distant. I’ve tried talking to him but he’s never been comfortable talking about emotions and feelings. In the beginning he needed a lot of reassurance from me which I gave him and continue to, but when I explain that it would help me if he text or said I love you more often it would really help me (not every day, even just a couple of times a week!) he hasn’t changed though he used to text a lot more in the beginning. He does have his own issues he’s dealing with, he has a lot of guilt because of his brothers suicide but I’m really struggling to know whether he’s acting this way because he’s in a bad place in which case I would have all the patience in the world or whether he’s lost interest. How do I get him to understand the impact this is having on me or do I just put how I’m feeling down to my own anxiety and give him some space and keep things as lighthearted as I can?

OP posts:

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/07/2022 02:43

Give him some head space and get yourself sorted.

Autienotnaughtie · 01/07/2022 03:03

I personally would back off and give him and your self space ti see if this is right for you. You say he's not good talking about feelings or being affectionate you have to decide if this works for you long term because it is unlike to change.

KangarooKenny · 01/07/2022 06:59

You need to decide if this is because of his brother, or if he was like this before that.
If he was like this before that, he won’t change. And you need to consider if this relationship is good enough for you.

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2022 09:38

I would flat up tell him that you don't feel secure and loved in this relationship so he needs to decide if he can step up because otherwise you need to call it a day. That you love him and want to support him but just because he is going through things doesn't mean its OK to be cold with you or keep pushing you away. That your needs matter too. That this is supposed to be a partnership with mutual support and if he can't manage that then he needs to be single. Because you deserve better.

Be aware he may decide you are right about that. But either way, at least you can hold your head up and say you respected yourself enough to ask for your needs to be met. And you'll know one way or another where you stand.

Pinkbonbon · 01/07/2022 09:41

Sorry, I know that's not lighthearted lol. But respect yourself lass. Don't let people treat you coldly. Pull them up on it.

(Assuming brother died a while ago, and not just the other day)

Divebar2021 · 01/07/2022 10:28

A person who is not comfortable talking about emotions is never going to be comfortable talking about emotions. There isn’t a “right” level. When was the brothers suicide? Has that happened in the last 8 months ?

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