So heres the long story…….
so me and my husband have been together 15 years and married 11, about 3 months ago my husband out of the blue decided to tell me we are drifting apart, I am not intimate enough with him, I’m always back from work late and he is lonely. We have 2 children girl 15 (not his) boy 9 (his)
Work has always been an issue as I talk about it I’ve had so many issues at my current role it’s been a big issue but I’ve worked my way up to a manager to help for the mortgage. Anyway he told me that it didn’t matter about the money. up until that point he had always been supportive
but when this happened everything was my fault I didn’t do this I didn’t do that. One day we spoke about he decided we were gonna separate that same evening he told the kids (didn’t speak to me) the kids reacted badly and my girl wouldn’t look or talk to him which he was upset about. My boy was upset and just kept saying to get a divorce.
we spoke and a day later back to together trying, spoke to kids thing we’re back on track. He started making plans with friends which before he never wanted to do but now it seems it’s all he wants to do.
we have been working hard but that has meant I am
leaving work on time , not doing extra, not helping in other ways and having a lunch break. So now my work are not happy as they need the old me and im
not willing to give that I wanted to save my marriage. Work is physically and mentally demanding and while I was going through the above work never gave me anytime
off
last week I tried to contact the drs I’m already on antidepressants but it was getting to much I felt I couldn’t control anything and All I did was cry this was the Friday. I messaged my husband first told him I’d been signed off etc he sent me
messages back saying well how are you going to pay the bills etc, (we have savings for this) and if he had known I was going off he wouldnt have paid for other things. I went for meds to be changed not to be signed off.
that evening he wouldn’t talk to me only about the kids, told me he was doing, this he was doing that, I just left him to it.
on the Saturday we’re meant to be going to see family 2 hrs away, we had made arrangements. Spoke to him in the morning and he said I don’t know what to do anymore it was obvious he was not happy, I said shall I just stay here then? he said if you want? So I didint go, the kids stayed with me as they didn’t want to go, he barley spoke to me all weekend.
Sunday evening once he got back we had a row I got very upset and I had just had enough of it all, I went and sat in the garden crying after about half hour he came
out to me which has never done before.
on the Monday he asked me what I wanted to do? I said I want to have a few days rest and then decide what I need he said ok.
Hour later he started again what about this, what about that, you did this you did that, it all got much i just cried
we needed up arguing on and off all day.
this has just got worse yesterday he phoned me and started again, I said your being controlling stop I don’t have all the answers
Right now
(our money all goes in one pot as such)
I said we have saving while I get sorted he said I told you we could split the bills but you won’t even able to pay your half now
that was it I put the phone down he called and called and I didn’t answer he sent me a message saying “if you don’t talk to me now don’t talk to me all night” and thats what happened I spent the evening with the kids downstairs went and got in bed and that it.
he has message me this morning about the kids and has told me he is going to his friend's
for a bit after work (he cancelled it last night) even thou I messaged him saying I’ve got a nice dinner planned so we can talk properly
the whole situation has made me insecure and feel not good enough. The people who I have spoken to have said he is wrong and that maybe leaving is my only option he
hasn’t really asked what happened at the drs or anything
I love my husband but I do think he has had a bit of a midlife crisis and it’s now damaged my mental health too and I don’t know what to do.