Schizophrenic Fiance

[SBenn1980]

Hello, I am new here.
So what has brought me here is, I am in need of advice. I've been with my fiance for almost a year (been engaged a couple of months now). He is schizophrenic and I am Bi Polar type 1. Everything was really good in the early stages of our relationship, he was very sweet and caring and I know he really loved being with me. Back in January he moved in with me due to a fight with his mother (whom he was taking care of) again things were going smoothly until around the end of Feb. He went to stay with his dad for about a month and we saw each other almost every day. Things went down with his dad and he ended up back living with me. We've talked about all the things that happened and how we would both work together on how to keep everything good (I know nothing is perfect). Well things were going really well, but now his schizophrenia has started to bring him to a bad place and he's been really depressed and when he wakes up from sleep, he is at his worst (crying spells, shuts down, almost seems like he wants to run away) but once he takes his meds, he's pretty much back to his happy self.
Now lately he's been kind of off, pulling away, somewhat distant at times, and I KNOW that it's all a part of his mental illness, but it's starting to really hurt. I've been really nervous about bringing it up and letting him know how I feel. I don't want him to think I am angry with him or anything like that, because I'm not. I just feel like sometimes he really doesn't want to be with me and that his love for me has faded. Whether or not that is the case, I have no idea.
We do talk about the future and when we're both medicated and having a good day, it's great, but when its not a good day, it's pretty stressful and I get paranoid about him just leaving without a reason (I could see if we fought all the time or I was a real jerk or something, but I'm not, I treat him wonderfully because I adore and love him) I guess what I'm searching for is if anyone else has experience with a schizophrenic partner and how to effectively communicate with them? And how should I go about talking with him about how I feel without either of us getting hurt?
I am so sorry about the book I just wrote, but I'm at a loss on what I should do and how I can feel not so lonely sometimes.

Thank you for reading.

This may sound harsh but I would leave.

My neighbours partner is schizophrenic and what I've watched her go through for the last decade is horrendous.

She's been held hostage, watched him be tasered by police, her house has been destroyed. The things he has accused her of publically are unbelievable. I've held her as she cried so many times and told her to leave.

I believe one day he will kill her. Not because he is a bad person but because he is so ill and cannot be relied upon to take medication.

It's honestly the saddest situation I have ever known.

And my friend has BPD. I can't see that being a good combination for a healthy relationship, sorry.

No experience but why is he medication free at times?

Leave him. And do not move a man in with you so soon again. It could not have been 5 months.

He is medicated, I just mean in between, like when he wakes up in the morning, before he takes his meds. Sorry to not add that.

We've only been together for less than a year but we've known each other for 3 years. I just wanted to clarify that he wasn't some random man.

How long youve known him doesnt matter. It isnt relevant. Youve been together less than a year and he has lived with you for what? 6 months?! That is far, far too soon.

Leave. Quickly.

If you value your own mental health and that it's well managed - I'd bloody run.

You could ask your mental health teams of they have any therapies or support groups to boost your communication, which is proven to refuse relapse rates.
Also make sure you both continue to take all prescribed medication, consider he could go on a Depot which might smooth out the ups and downs of taking daily medication.
And never ever smoke weed, ever.

The most importand thing is for him to take his medicines. I know that sometimes can be difficult but would say this has to be your first priority. Generally speaking antipsychotic medications have long half-life which means that at night, he has a little less medication running in his blood than after taking them in the morning. So I don't think this is the problem. This is something that he has to talk with his GP.

Thank you everyone for your replies. We've decided to take a break, so who knows how it will turn out. I'm just going to work on myself and make me happy.

Thanks again.

I see you have moved on from the initial posting, but I’m still going to answer.

Those fights with his parents may be indicative of a larger problem. He needs to find a way to be stable with his meds and his mental health independently before he can make the commitment of a serious relationship and marriage. I really wouldn’t advise living together unless he has been completely stable and med compliant for a long period of time.

Many people with schizophrenia live perfectly mundane lives. When the medication stops working or the patient isn’t med compliant though, the impact on the patient and on the family can be catastrophic.

Hopefully some relationship space will give you some perspective and clarity. If you feel happier and calmer without him - there's your answer. Good luck xx

Run away as fast as you can. Having recently witnessed In Work what a schizophrenic husband can do to a wife whilst going through a “rough patch” I’d never put myself in that duty of danger.

*sort of danger

I KNOW that it's all a part of his mental illness, but it's starting to really hurt

I think that if you're taking his symptoms personally, the two of you aren't compatible. Good to hear you're going to be looking after yourself, now.