Talk me down

[crazybutkind]

Background...
I have 2 children one due to start school this year and a toddler. Split with their dad at Xmas. Relationship died years ago and I have been trying to leave for years finally did at Xmas me and the children live minutes away from their dad in our own home. Break up has been very amicable. I started dating someone in feb. He wants a future, kids etc. He obviously knows I have children and I am open to the idea. He lives 40 minutes away from me. I see him on nights/days I don't have my children. He hasn't met them. The kids dad is aware I'm dating but not to the extent of this. He has recently mentioned having a future and said that there are so many things to consider where we would live, my children, their school, their dad.

My questions are

have you ever moved on to a new relationship and moved your children?

Am I crazy for considering this.

I am aware it's still very early but it's a conversation that needs to be had

It’s very early days but couldn’t he move to you if it came to it rather than uproot your kids further away from their dad?

My dp is moving to me from overseas because he has no children and I won't move my dd away from her dad.

I wouldnt move the children sounds like they have a happy set up.. why mess it all up

Absolutely not. You started dating in February.

4 months. Wow. I think you need to be more careful to put your children in contact with someone you have only met 4 months.

If he doesn't have kids then he needs to move to you and commute to his job. Your kids have been through enough with the break up without then having to move to a new house somewhere else, potentially change schools and be much further away from their dad. It's only been a few months anyway, far, far too soon to be thinking about moving in. If he thinks for one minute though that you should be uprooting your kids rather than him move, then he shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who has kids full stop IMO as he obviously doesn't have a clue.

I love your comment. Just that.

Has he even met the kids?

Get a grip OP. Far too soon to even consider this. He's a stranger yet.

You broke up in December.
You started a new relationship in February.
You're talking about children in June.
You barely know him or how he is in a relationship or how he might be as a co-parent.

That's a ridiculous timeline. Do you not think this is going too fast? You barely seem to have paused for breath in the last 6 months!

Why would you even consider uprooting your children for a rebound relationship that's 4 months old. Why are you already thinking about more children? Are you trying to fix the past? I don't understand your thought process.

It's too much too soon and not fair on anyone including yourself. What are you running away from here that means you need to hurtle into such major decisions ?

I don't think it's normal to feel it's necessary to be talking to a new lover about uprooting your children and having more children a mere 6 months after you exited the relationship with their dad.

You need time to establish yourself outside of the previous relationship and you haven't done that, especially if it had been rough for a long time. In the nicest way possible, you don't sound rational. You can have a healthy partnership without bringing children into it.

Again, it’s far too soon, to be considering moving it or even meeting the children, enjoy your new relationship but keep it at arms length. You will cause yourself a lot of grief if you try to change anything quickly or at all, new partners can cause a lot of problems, for you, your ex and your children.

It's been 4 months... jesus christ. Just stop and take a breath, OP. The fact he's even banging on about a future at 4 months, and then expects you to move, to uproot your kids away, and away from their other parent too, is a huge red flag.

At 4 months this is not a 'conversation that needs to be had' at all, not anything more than a vague 'yeah maybe, if it was right for me & the kids'.

He's dating you right now, not your whole family. At 4 months you don't even know who eachother are yet. You need to look at your boundaries OP - and if he's love bombing you. And see also; limerence.

Way too quick. Can't understand why you would even consider it. Their dad could stop the children moving and would you be prepared to tell a judge and social worker that you are moving for a man you have just met.

Wait at least 2 years until you know him. How long did you know your Ex before moving in together..do you have a history of rushing relationships and then regretting it?

Every word of this is true

Locate your handbrake asap.

I can’t imagine a scenario where I would move my children in that kind of speed. It’s seems hugely reckless OP. I would slow this down… a lot!

Yes. Crazy for considering this

I would say that in your position one of the deal breakers would be moving the kids.
Is there a reason as to why you are questioningoving instead of him. It seems much more logical for the lids to stay where they are close to school and the ability to have a relationship with their dad especially as you have an amicable relationship and I thinkoving would be detrimental to that.
If he is keen on kids in the future then I am sure he would understand the importance of lids being as close as possible to parents so it should be an easier option for him to uproot himself.
If he is only 40 mins away then that is still commutable for work or to see family and friends.