How to respark a relationship after a baby..

[respark321]

Me and my partner fell pregnant pretty quickly (7 months) into our relationship.

Our baby is 9 months old and EBF. I do not feel sexy, I feel exhausted as he still wakes up 4/5 times a night. I try to put him down to bed at 7:30/8 and I'll be sat feeding and rocking for over an hour to get him to sleep. I spend all day with the baby, work part time too. My partner complains we don't have enough sex , we have sex 1/2 times a week right now. And tbh I have to force it.

I don't get excited anymore. He compared us to being married for 50 years. We have no local family members that would help us with childcare so date nights aren't really an option.

I really love him and still fancy him but I want the excitement back. Has this happened to anybody else?

I actually think he's doing OK to get his leg over 1/2 a week when you have such a young baby.

I'm thinking some down time alone might be your answer ie babysitter and date night

Yep I agree 1-2 a week feels I’m to me given you have a new baby. So many be there is an issue with expectations?

does he take equal responsibility for childcare. Eg does he take the baby so you can sleep or relax. If not I’d look there. Nothing less makes me feel like sexy time with someone than feeling like they’re not pulling their weight at home.

This is normal and you’re at it far more than we were. Once I started to get my identity back I started to become interested in the relationship again. At this stage you will be very absorbed in the baby and this is normal. Do you get some down time?

He looks after the baby whilst I'm at work, and Helps out a lot when he gets home from work. It does feel a bit like he can do anything he wants and just expects me to be fine with looking after the baby, whereas I have to have permission and check it's okay if that makes sense. Even things like running myself a bath so I can shave my legs. I guess that's probably from having a BF baby.

@Siameasy how long did it take you to get your personality back?

I do feel like nothing but a mum right now! And not sexy at all!

I just want the excitement back..

Does he work?

@Dinoteeth yes 9-6 moon-Friday.

First of all you need to get out of the mindset of your partner 'helping out' with the baby. And then you need to stop asking for permission. I tend to say 'I'm doing this...therefore you are having DS'. I have weekend plans in a few weeks and told DP this already. He now has plans that weekend too so it's on him to find DS care for the weekend, not me.
1-2 times a week is plenty in my opinion. Is it maybe that he feels like he's always instigating it. Have you spoken to him about feeling like tog don't have any identity?

It can take a long time to feel like yourself after having a baby. It’s only temporary as they aren’t small forever, however from experience it’s easier to manage this stage if your partner feels like he is in it together with you. Resentment can start if you feel like it’s all on you. You need time for yourself away from the baby where your doing something for yourself otherwise it’s difficult to break out from feeling like nothing but a mother. It could be getting nails done, walk, meeting friend for coffee literally anything that allows you to do something for yourself to remind yourself who you are. Once you find yourself again all the rest becomes easier.