Hello,
I have wrote on here today to seek some advice and I am hoping that others may have been sadly in a similar situation and be able to offer some help.
My ex partner, we were on and off (before I had my baby 6 months ago). He would leave, block me, come back etc. In May, be left and it is very different this time. I have moved back to my mums in Liverpool for the end of my maternity leave and he is in London.
We agreed, we would meet half way. The first time he was 'too tired' and delayed it a day. Truth came out he was infact in a hotel room with a woman and had been to a concert.
When I found out he went crazy, he has maintained the breakdown of the relationship was my fault as I am insecure. He just says continually that he hates me for ruining our relationship, that he decided to have a child with me (he is 38) and he thought it would be forever, at the moment there is so much resentment from him towards me, he cant be in the room with me, his chest is right etc etc. He then kicked me out of the house....
He then changes and is as nice as can be a week later, he apologises for his anger as he got 'caught out'. Then I find out he's been on dating events since out daughter arrived and we were together. He had maintained, until this week, that he was waiting for me to move on first before him, that he hasn't been with anyone yet, but wants to date, sleep with people and get into a relationship just because he hates me and knows it will hurt me. What has come out is he has been with someone, although just her coming round for sex, for quite some time. 2 days before, I was there each evening and he was stating that he needs me to be less insecure and to 'get in touch' when I am, but those changes don't happen overnight. That who knows what the future will hold and 2 hours later that we both need to move on and leave it now.
Since finding out about the woman, he has messaged my mum to say that 'he apologises for how he has handled things as he knows it isn't acceptable but it is the only way he knows how' and that to me 'if he didnt have our daughter he would have committed suicide based on how i've made him feel'. An hour later, he wants to be the bestest of friends for our daughter and be able to go on holiday etc as purely friends for her, spend xmas together etc.
My question is, is this emotional abuse/a narcissit? how do I manage expectations with this man and get to a common ground with him?. my friends are petrified he is going to try and come back or be awful when I do move on. He is telling me he will set me up on dates, that he needs space and time, he will get some dating apps etc for me and can't wait to talk about our sex lives. He has said that he will tell me all about his sex life etc when it happens (it already was, and he hasn't). But any time he is backed into a corner, he then puts it all on me and I just don't know how we will ever co parent