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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he leading me on?

6 replies

Tcbay52 · 29/06/2022 11:12

I've been interacting with this guy for a few months now and it's been an emotional rollercoaster. We are both in our early 20s. We were doing a big project together at university. At first he would flirt with me, look at me, make me laugh, he was the one to initiate touch, he'd sit close and ask me questions. He remembered some things that I said before and brought them up in conversations. Once he suggested to study together outside of university but never followed up on it. After that he'd act like I didn't exist. It honestly looked like he disliked me. When I reciprocated flirting he seemed excited and would get more touchy but when I texted first sometimes he would take a day to text back (I saw he uses the phone often) or when we met he'd be mean and jokingly insult me. He would text me first (both in the morning and past midnight) but it seemed like he didn't really want to engage in a longer conversation. His texts were kind of short and superficial, some contained hug/touch emojis. There was a time when he flirted with my friend in front of me too. He rarely approached me throughout these few months. Recently I got fed up with it and decided to pay him less attention, that's when he talked to me first but he only asked how I was doing. I also felt his gaze on me sporadically. We don't text anymore though. I can't figure out if he only wants one thing, he's shy or he's been breadcrumbing me from the beginning. I don't know whether I should talk to him more or move on. I was flirty too, didn't he understand my signals? I'm pretty sure that I've been just an option or maybe he has a girlfriend already. I noticed he brags a lot so I thought he might have narcissistic tendencies as well. Could you give me some advice? I'm so tired of this.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 29/06/2022 11:34

Sounds to me like he tried flirting with you, you didn't reciprocate, so he drew back.

I'd just leave it and concentrate your energy on study/work.

LouBriccant · 29/06/2022 11:35

Men are all after one thing especially at the beginning. I wouldn't text him at all & if he messages ignore him. When you first meet someone or like someone it should be easy, not this difficult. Don't get hung up on him trust me. Move on to the next.

ChangedMyNamrButStillMe · 29/06/2022 11:39

Of course you move on. There isn’t anything going on between you and this man and hasn’t ever been. It sounds like he’s occasionally using you as an ego boost when he fancies a bit of flirty attention but isn’t even interested in you enough to pursue you any further than that. Sorry to be harsh but you hanging around for this will just lead to you feeling like shit for a man who simply isn’t interested.

Rainbowqueeen · 29/06/2022 11:43

Yes move on.

If he was really interested he would have asked you out. Don’t miss out on other opportunities with other men. That should be your rule with dating generally - keep your options open and don’t stop looking unless there has been a commitment

FinallyHere · 29/06/2022 17:21

I'm guessing you are in your earlier rather than your late years. I'd expect that after I while you will realise that anyone who doesn't treat you well, is not worth your time. They are not intriguing, or very clear or even wounded by your behaviour.

Much more likely they are playing the field are pay you just enough attention to keep you interested.

Decent people don't play these kind of games. Decent people are straightforward and honest.

It's up to you which type of person you choose to give your energy and attention.

I really wish I'd sussed this much sooner than I did.

Zerofecksgiven · 29/06/2022 17:34

Well said @FinallyHere

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