Absent parent

[BiscoffSundae]

Thoughts on reaching out to an absent parent who has been absent by choice for a long period of time? Is it always a bad idea?

Why do you want to do this?. I would personally not do this given that their absence is by choice.

How do you know that their absence was by choice?

Because they said so...

What would you say if you reached out to them?

Tbh I haven’t thought that far ahead but maybe from the angle that the children miss him and would like contact, however he did make it clear last time he wanted no contact so I’m not sure it’s a good idea

Do not subject your children to such a person. It’s not a good idea.

What if it was coming from the children though? Would that change things? What if the child is asking for contact with their father, I don’t want to be seen as stopping something even though I’m not but it’s hard for kids to understand that

I still would not do this as he's already told you he does not want any contact. How long has it been since you last spoke with him?.

How old are the children ?

How old are the children?

Personally I wouldn't. He's said no contact, you can't force someone to be a parent.

It’s the older ones who want contact they are 8 and 10 my youngest doesn’t remember him but does seem affected not having a father but doesn’t have much memory of him as he hasn’t see them now since jan 2021

I'd recommend spending some more time talking to the children about why they want to contact him and helping them to think through all of the possible ramifications, including that he might say he doesn't want to see them. But don't rush into anything. They can cope for a while longer just exploring the idea. Perhaps think about asking the school for some counselling support because they may need some help to deal with feelings of rejection and loss. It might help them to identify why they need to ask you to do this.