Considering moving away from family

[everysunrise]

Hi everyone,

My father is married to a woman who has caused me so much anxiety in the last 10 years. I'm talking to the point of me needing therapy. She is not like the rest of my (small) family, she is very outspoken, no-filter and can be very hurtful. She is unpredictably nice sometimes.

I struggle a lot with my mental health. A lot of my anxiety surrounds the situation of my father and his wife. I am a grown woman, age 31 and have a very supportive partner and a baby on the way, we have a lovely home. But I am not happy. I feel I have trauma from these previous years, I am always on edge, waiting for the next trigger.

I feel that the only way for me to heal from this is for me to move away. Has anybody else moved away from their family because of relationship issues or because they had a negative impact on your mental health?

I am looking for some success stories, as I honestly do feel like my life is ruined right now, as much as I try to cope there is always something else that happens and I am stuck in this anxious state almost every day.

Thanks

I don't live near my family. I'm about 6 hours away by car. The move was for work, many years ago. However, I have a very toxic sibling, and I can tell you that knowing the distance is there, is very comforting. It means they can't pop in. Also, there is no expectation of having to attend family events. I would do it! Start researching areas that you fancy. It could be exciting!

i would say it's important to do what you feel will help. So don't be afraid to do it! Also is it worth maintaining contact with this woman in general?

Thanks @catpoppet
I have no option but to have her in my life as I still have a relationship with my dad. My concern is that even if we move, will I still be affected by anxiety from messages and phone calls, or will the distance make it more bearable

@TortugaRumCakeQueen do you communicate via text at all?
Do your family visit often? I'm a bit concerned that I would end up seeing them for longer if they come and visit. Also there's the worry of not having support of friends nearby. Was it difficult for you at first? I'm just so worried about everything but I'm sick of living this way 😟

To reduce how you’re affected by this person, you need to limit contact and stop her having such influence on your mood.

You can’t change her. But you can alter interactions and expectations from your side.

Expectations should be set to pretty much zero my the sounds of it.

@Longsight2019
I'm really struggling to do this as she is very interferring when I communicate with my dad
She is very opinionated and her actions and attitude consumes me. I'm in a constant state of anxiety.
How could I reduce contact without going cold on my dad?