What do I do

[MissFlimpkin]

Together 6 years or so. 4 year old child.
We love our child more than anything and I don't think I could manage to parent on my own. (He is definitely Incapable) but despite that I couldnt take him away from our child or our child from him. If it were the other way round I'd be heartbroken. More than that.. obviously.
But we're no good in a relationship all signs of that went ages ago and a peck on the cheek as a 'thanks' ( for dinner or a lift) is literally all we have. Honestly I dont feel that way anymore nor do I want to force it.
We're in the middle of buying a house and it's killing me knowing the situation we're in.
Even if we were to split I wouldn't want to separate them. It would end up as he at him parents house ( fully grown adult btw) and I would hate for my child to have to camp out there for access purposes. We couldnt afford to live separately and by buying the house we can pool resources and Atleast give our child a decent house/ both parents etc .
But it's hurting me.
I feel like I need to tell him we're not good as a relationship but I feel the need to parent together for financial reasons etc .
I often (half) joked about wanting to feel loved... hoping it would be enough for him to step up, and that someday I wanted someone to love me.
It didn't work and maybe he didn't anyways.
I can't imagine being in another relationship right now to be honest I can't be bothered- but I also feel like I don't want to do myself a disservice by being ' attached'
Please help, if there is anyway.
LTB isn't helpful as we'd end up in flats spending whatever deposit we had and ultimately end with nothing .

[Drunkandalone]

Separate bedrooms. Get him off the mortgage agreement ASAP and have him pay you rent

[MissFlimpkin]

@Drunkandalone

Separate bedrooms. Get him off the mortgage agreement ASAP and have him pay you rent

Erghhh imagine.
It's horrible to think this might be the best option.
As I said I don't not care but my goodness my tolerance has ran out over and over.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Stop being a coward and sort it out.

Show your DD how to be a parent.

Mine didn't and I resent her for it 40 yers later.

DO NOT buy this house.

[Drunkandalone]

My opinion is don’t buy the house as above but you clearly don’t want that advise. Buy it alone and rent the boy a room

[NoSquirrels]

I don't want therapy as I know the relationship is done. I just want to know how to communicate that and if there is anyway forward to be 'consciously uncoupled'

Couples therapy or mediation would allow you to sort this out, set terms and figure out the details.

But if I were you I wouldn’t buy the house together. Honestly you sound like you’re being a bit selfish wrapped up in thinking you’re being selfless for your child.

[aSofaNearYou]

I think if you accept the relationship is done then it's highly unlikely both of you will stay single forever and then you will not be able to live together long term, a new partner would never accept it. So it would be foolish to buy a house with him, he'll end up screwing you over.

[MissFlimpkin]

Selfish absolutely , for all of
Us, separately.
I can't imagine living in a crappy flat. Passing our child back and forth, all exhausted .

The alternative is selling up and renting somewhere eating up the deposit and equity I've made good choices to accumulate. I'd never get back on the property ladder.
I have mental health issues and I know whilst the new house would be a challenge the opportunity would give me some sort of life back. Albeit no love!

[RavenousBugblatter]

But the possible future you're imagining just doesn't sound realistic - why would you both be exhausted if you did 50/50 care?

Are you married?

[Drunkandalone]

If you’re struggling with mental health now I hope you’re prepared for a legal battle over a house and a separation!

[TabithaTiger]

Being happy in a crappy flat is a much better option than being miserable in a nice house.

Your child will be much better off spending time separately with two parents that love him, than living together with two desperately unhappy people who are just staying together for finances.

A home is what you make it. DC don't care about how new the kitchen is or whether it has an ensuite. It just needs to be clean and cosy and filled it's love.

And there's nothing wrong with them staying at their grandparents home when they go to visit their Dad, my kids would have loved this!

[Undecidedandtorn]

I did what your doing for a year. It made any other relationship impossible (which might not be an issue now) . Just write a list of everything (tasks including childcare and housework) sit down with him and split it 50/50

[NoSquirrels]

The alternative is selling up and renting somewhere eating up the deposit and equity I've made good choices to accumulate.

You could stay in the house you’re in. Your DP could move to a flat, and you figure out how to reflect that financially wrt the existing mortgage and ownership.

[MissFlimpkin]

We didn't buy the house.


I'm now stuck at whether to sell and both live in shitty flats struggling with the bills or remortgage here and Atleast give ourselves some sort of life....

I don't really want to meet anyone as goodness it's a lot of hassle to just end up washing someone else's socks....