My dad and I only see each other a few times a year. We live some distance away and there is no longer room for me when I’m up there. That’s fine however there isn’t much low cost accommodation nearby so it does make it tricky to visit regularly.
I live in a UK holiday destination. Over the years he’s been here several times. Never discussing plans in advance. Literally expecting us to drop everything with a moments notice. I’ve tried to get him to agree to when he’ll see us so we can plan but nope always last minute and usually me driving some distance to make it happen as holiday ends…..
Thinking things over I’ve come to realise my Dad is a very selfish man. Quite controlling. Uninterested in my life unless it provides something for him to boast about. No fall out but over the years I’ve given myself emotional protection by letting it all go over my head.
He has a child from another relationship. This child very close to age in my child. No issue there. I liked his partner. I admired her when she finally left him and thought she had the patience of a saint for so long. Still see the child and her when visiting. No issues.
What has annoyed me is on one of these visits he told me he was leaving this entire estate to this child as they will need the money more than me or my other sibling!
On a different visit he expressed he was disappointed neither me or my other sibling had managed to get onto the housing market. Comparing us to our siblings other siblings who are younger than us. I put him straight on that as those siblings lived at home and had childcare given by all parents and tbh it’s nearly a year ago and today driving home it hit me that I’m still bothered by those comments.
I’ve received not a penny of support from either of my parents and I left home only a couple of years older than my youngest sibling is now.
I have never had any babysitting favours let alone regular childcare. I’ve always paid my rent and the nursery bills have been crippling.
No wonder I never got the money together for a deposit. I had to take second jobs when without children to live. I put myself through uni and now earn an ok figure for me but I know friends on a lot more.
All my friends who have purchased had support of family to either live at home when saving or had inheritances/money from family. They all say they couldn’t have afforded it anyway.
Am I unreasonable to be hurt by his comments. The will I’m just more like whatever - don’t give him the satisfaction of showing him it bothered me. Inheritance isn’t a right. He can leave it to the cats if he wants. I think it’s just compounded what I’ve always know. I’ve never been important or priority even when little. Some of that money will be because my mum didn’t realise a fair divorce settlement as she fled due to DV and back then he used all the dirty tricks to make sure she got nothing.
sorry it’s long. A friends parent died recently and it’s made me examine my relationship with mine.