Online dating

[DaniLaLaLand]

Do you have an online dating story? Successful/unsuccessful or is there one thing you wish you'd known or you'd tell yourself before you created your account and delved in to dating online? Please share. It'll hopefully make me feel better about the disastrous dates and experiences I've had so far! Xx

That the other person is usually waiting for a better person to come along but will keep you close incase they have to wait a while and if you ask why they’re still OLD they will twist the answer so you feel bad for having asked.

It's a great way to test how low your bar is set/how much you rate your own sense of self-worth (how quickly you emotionally step away once you spot a Red Flag or get that Red Flag Feeling about someone).

You need to be aware that there are a lot married/in a ltr men looking for sex, some are upfront about that and some aren’t. Even if you meet and get on with someone, be prepared that they may ghost you. If your opinion of men is not already low, it will be once you start OLD.

I’ve been OLD for a few months. Met about 6 or 7 guys, most were a disappointment. I saw a couple of these for a few weeks, have currently been dating one for a couple of months so will see how that goes! I’m divorced with kids so this is just something I do for a bit of male company/decent sex. I’m glad I’m not trying to find ‘the one’!

Took me over a year but I met the love of my life on Tinder and have never been happier! His job and some family commitments made it hard in the early days to find time for each other (he works away during the week) but we made it work and I love him to pieces - I had to kiss a lot of frogs though before I found my Prince Charming!

Don't live in an echo chamber of people who validate your bad experiences. All that does is stop you learning, growing and figuring out your own unhealthy patterns. I would try to not discuss dating much with people other than a few close, trusted friends. Don't make it this thing that consumes your life and dictates your self esteem. Just fit it in around your regular life and make sure you have enough going on that it doesn't take up too much head space. Finally, dating isn't fast food. It takes time and luck and OLD isn't a guarantee. It's just one other tool to meet people. Just like if you went to a party or a bar, you wouldn't expect to hit it off or even like 98% of the people, OLD is the same.

Also genuinely liking and appreciating men helps. If you approach with the perspective they're all crap and shady, that's what you'll find. I've had plenty of good experiences and LT relationships, even a marriage off it. Just focus on what you personally can do to find better and more compatible people.

Generally:
What other people do isn't about you. (even on a date)

Specifically:
If someone makes you happy, spend lots of time with them.

Me, and other 3 friends and relatives have found love with OLD. All of us got married, even 3 of those were with men overseas.

Of course, Before meeting DH I met some jackasses online but that also happens when you meet men in real life. Just have to be very vigilant, be smart and so. I always put in my profile that I was only after long time relationships.

In another side another friend met a scammer (overseas) through OLD, he was asking her money a couple of weeks after so she stopped contact.

Don't loose hope! Good luck!

I met my exDP through OLD 7 years ago and whilst we didn't last forever, I know you can meet someone successfully.

Last time I recall I was on it for around 6 months. Now single again I've dipped my toe back in and it has changed. People don't chat as much. Also, more often than not, men (I'm sure women are the same), seem to be looking for hook ups despite their profile saying the opposite. For me it is good to try and establish what they are looking for at the start and general information. If this goes well then I'm happy to chat and if all seems good, meet for a coffee/drink. I'm not wasting my time messaging for months on end.

Bit of a thick skin is needed. Don't take it personally if you message someone, all going ok and then you find you are unmatched/deleted.

Be confident in who you are and what you want. Dont compromise. It may not work for everyone, but OLD can lead to meeting someone and having a happy relationship.

It will destroy your faith in people, the way many men behave is outrageous, depressing and at times impossible to understand. Every kind of dickhead is represented - cheats, liars, catfishers, those with every issue under the sun, perverts, losers who could never get a woman irl. If you think you’re smart and thick skinned be prepared to be disillusioned. It’s a horrible world where manners, kindness and decency rarely feature and it will rob you of your self confidence and make you question everything about yourself if you let it. If you’re not in a happy, sorted place in life it’s not a good idea to even attempt OLD and even then it will be tough.

But…there are decent people out there and it is possible to find them if you can get past all of the above.

It's a minefield of absolute dregs of humanity. Men who have zero standards who think they can use you ,play with emotions fuck with your head and all because they feel like it. You are then despite having cast iron standards and boundaries to start with left a shell of your former self. Confidence below the floor ,boundaries smashed to the ground trying to pick yourself up enough to just through another day of work/life in general. There are some decent guys out there but they are very few and far between.

I had an OLD success story or so I thought. Signed up to POF 5 years ago and had one single date (he messaged me the first day I signed up and we hit it off straight away). Two years of dating and being very in love we got married. A couple of months ago I found he had signed up to a dating website so he could massage his ego and so we have split up. I am now confirmed single forever, I just cannot be arsed with relationships anymore they take up too much headspace. It is so utterly depressing doing OLD and sifting through a whole load of frogs.

Haha! Such drama!

The alternative is to just walk away if someone treats you poorly, rather than to buy into this all-engulfing catastrophising.

Met my lovely husband online dating. Married almost 10 years very happily. It's how several of my friends have met their long term partners/husbands/wives.

I was on POF on and off for 12 months and went on a few dates before meeting him. Met a couple of really lovely guys, met one or two arseholes. You'll get lots of extreme stories asking this kind of thing on here though. Do you know anyone is real life who has tried online dating?

I met my partner online dating.

It's a good way to meet a lot of people in a short period of time. Lots of people are successful!

I think you just need to be absolutely cut throat. Know exactly what you want and if they don't fit into that just block them immediately 😄

First hint if a red flag just end it. Also you need a first date strategy. Mine was one drink after work at the pub. But you need something where you have a good exist strategy!

Well this is a little OTT tbh.

OP keep your expectations low but hopeful! I honestly thing there is someone out there for everyone!

@Watchkeys glad you find it amusing and @D0lphine its not OTT it’s fact and the post below mine says much the same so not sure why you felt the need to single me out.

Good for you being so sorted that you can deal with it all but a lot of people find OLD really tough and I think it’s fair to point out what it can be like - which is what the OP was asking.

Oh and on a cheerier note I have met someone decent so it’s not sour grapes on my part, it’s possible but it’s not easy.