This might be long, and I'll start with a bit of background to the situation.
Broke up with ex 6 years ago, and we have 3 kids together (daughter now 13, sons 10 and 8). Ex has them every other weekend and longer during school holidays (as per our child arrangement order). Ex hasn't contributed financially in any way over the years - unemployed bum who spends everything on booze, fags and takeaways. I've even had to sub the ex so the kids get fed on their contact weekends. Couldn't afford to run a car, so I've always had to do all the drop off and collections, and for a while 60 miles a day school runs until I managed to move the kids to a school near me.
Ex is diagnosed with a personality disorder and mental health issues (partly alcohol related I feel), and there have been multiple suicide attempts and self harming, although seems to have been a bit better recently. Also has a tendency to 'latch on' to people and forms new relationships very quickly, and has lots of casual encounters that don't progress. A couple of years ago married a new partner within 6 weeks of meeting each other. Obviously that didn't last! Ex has a lot of form for introducing the kids to new partners very quickly (and without telling me, so I find out titbits of detail via the kids).
My kids seem to have normalised my ex's behaviour (as I suppose it is natural to think what your parents do is normal), so I already have my work cut out to try and re establish boundaries and acceptable behaviour to them. Also, I'm pretty sure ex gets the kids to keep secrets to cover up some of what's really going on.
Ex has moved about a bit over the last few years, but always been within a 15-20 mile distance, so the weekend contact was manageable. And I'm close enough by that if there is ever a problem I can be there within the hour.
Very suddenly (again) ex has met a new partner (they've known each other a couple of months at most), and has now decided to move in with this new partner, happening imminently. To make matters worse, the new partner lives the other side of the country - over 200 miles away. They're saying that weekend child contact will stay the same, without engaging in any further discussion with me. It's a whole herd of elephants in the room, and ex seems to be in total denial. I just can't see how contact during term time is going to be practically possible though?
Our child arrangement order stipulates that ex is supposed to do all the collection and drop offs, but I've done 99% of them over the years due to ex being so unreliable and without transport. There's no way I'm going to do a 800 miles of driving on a weekend to sustain ex's contact, it's their decision to move so far away. Apart from fuel costs being outrageous, the travelling time (over 4 hours each way) means getting on for 20 hours of driving each weekend. Even if we set off straight after school on a friday afternoon, it'll be 10pm before getting there. And then the return trip will take all day Sunday. Not fair on the kids to be stuck in a car half the weekend, nor me. And I can't believe my ex will tolerate that much driving either.
Past experience leads me to think that it will only be a matter of time before the kids get stranded down there - ex takes them away for the weekend, then doesn't have the petrol or time to drive them back. So I'll end up having to go and retrieve them or pay the petrol costs.
The new woman seems to have been totally sucked in by my ex - inviting/letting them move in, bought them a car, spoiling our kids when they're together. It's obviously not my place to warn them about my ex, but you'd think the red flags should be large and prominent enough for any normal person to see for themselves. Our kids' first introduction to her was when she was staying at my ex's during their contact weekend. I find that inappropriate, but as usual, I didn't find out until afterwards.
New partner has kids of her own - older teenage boys apparently. Pretty sure her kids haven't met ours yet, but I suspect the intention is for their first meeting to be when my kids go down there to stay for the weekend. At best it seems a bit inappropriate to be introducing them so intensely, at worst I have concerns about dd's welfare - staying in a house with 'random' older teenage boys. I've not even considered any possible negatives of the new partner's own kids - how are they going to feel about their mother's new partner moving in so quick, and then step siblings taking over the house every other weekend? Perhaps melodramatic, but they're at risk here too despite almost being legal adults.
We do currently have a family worker supporting us (dd's school made a referral due to their own concerns about my ex). Family worker has tried to get some counselling for dd, to try and help her understand the behaviour of my ex isn't normal and that she's being manipulated. Unfortunately, the counselling service she was referred to declined and instead recommended another one, so that seems to be going round in circles currently. This new situation of ex moving away has come about so quickly that family worker hasn't had chance to look at it properly yet, but when I told them they did seem concerned.
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Would I be being unreasonable to say that weekend contact with so much travelling involved is untenable/not in the kid's best interests?
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Am I right to be concerned about ex moving so far away, and into a new partner's house so quickly (and how that will affect my kids)?
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Am I being unreasonable to be uncomfortable with our kids staying overnight at new partner's house, especially with older 'step siblings' living there too?
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Our court order stipulates my ex's contact times with the kids (obviously that was agreed when the distance between us was trivial). Can I refuse to sustain the agreed contact because of the change in living arrangements/distance? Really don't want to have to go back to court for a variation, and equally don't want to appear to be preventing our kid's contact with the ex.
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Am I over thinking this - how do other single parents manage to maintain regular contact between their children and non resident parent when long distances are involved?