Is this limerence? I feel a bit bonkers.

[Wir]

I have a bit of a crush on someone at work and at first I thought it was mutual. We chatted a lot, quite flirty, joking about, just got on really well. We had a running chat about a mutual hobby and then one day he just stopped replying. Went in to work after a couple of days off and he just blanked me. Then started being quite rude to me, a bit nasty. It was really confusing. I asked him in a message if he was OK but he left it on read and never replied. That was over 2 weeks ago and he's still being quite mean. We don't chat or joke around any more.

The annoying and ridiculous thing is I still have a crush on him. I think about him far too often. It's a small business and unfortunately we still have to work quite closely together. There is no option for me to go elsewhere. I find myself trying to interpret every little interaction we have. He touched my arm, what does that mean? He smiled at me after ignoring me most of the day, what could that mean? Etc., etc.

Thing is, a new woman has joined the team about a week ago and now he treats her the way he used to treat me and I feel a bit upset and a bit jealous if I'm completely honest. I feel so stupid.

We are both single and we used to get on so well I really thought it would end up going somewhere.

I'm in my 30's, it's completely ridiculous to have a crush like this. How the hell do I get over it when we have to work so closely together?

Agree with this. He's shown you who he is, all you have to do is believe him.

Do you mean a running chat at work or via text etc?
do you know anything about his private life? maybe he's going through something personal?
sounds like he could have been told to train the new girl? I.Think unless you ask in a very light way then you won't know. Maybe something like. "You alright? You've not been yourself lately" it kind of puts the ball in his court without you crossing a professional boundary if you know what I mean?

You need to get angry. He obviously likes charming new female members of staff. He’s clearly got no manners either. Sometime soon you’ll look back with relief that nothing happened between you.

Clearly I'm not an expert as I had to ask what it was, but it doesn't sound like limerence in the OP's case.

I'd distance yourself, OP, and there's probably lots of other advice on unwanted crush threads in the relationship section too if you have a look at those.

Wow I've been in this exact same position in my last job- I ended up leaving. Not just because of him but other factors. In my case he was my boss! Even down to a new girl starting and suddenely treating her how he treated me.
He was definitely playing mind games with me and him pulling away really fucked with my head and I couldn't stop thinking about him.
Basically I think he was a narcissist and got a kick out of mind games.
Looking back now- what the hell was I thinking???
I say this as someone with healthy self love but I was way out of his league thinking back and you probably are too with this guy!!
You need to cut contact completely for your sanity. Don't engage.

@Wir it isn't all your head. He knows exactly what he was doing!! Getting his ego massaged by different women and loving it/playing games.
Ignore him completely, that will wind him up.

Thankfully this guy is not my boss as I really don't want to leave. I love the job and the rest of the team.

It's the same in my case, like not to big myself up too much as I'm only average looking but I am a lot more attractive than him.

I've deleted our chat, unfollowed him on insta etc.

My head feels a lot clearer this morning. Off to work now and thankfully it's his days off now so I won't have to see him until Saturday.

Thanks everyone.

Glad you feel better today, OP. In time you'll forget about him.

@FarKingHell the same thing happened to me. He more or less lovebombed during a period of poor mental health (for me). He'd send me messages through the day, I thought he was supporting me through a low period. We ended up sleeping together which was a poor decision but I was very vulnerable and low. This was 6 months ago now, he dropped me like a stone after - moved on - it seemed, to my even younger (I'm 38 and he's 50) female colleague, flirting with her in front of me.. I'm not sure if they have a thing and I try not to think about it. I requested a team move, so he's no longer my manager but he sometimes covers when my new manager is off, or covers when I work overtime.
The worst thing about it is I've developed imposter syndrome and feel like I'm crap at my job, dream about work every night. I'm looking to leave but I am well paid and with the cost of living it's difficult. How did you get through the months up to leaving? I'm struggling.
Tried to PM you but forgot my password...

@Namechangerr1 I've just PMed you. Are you able to read it? Let me know if not. Hope you're ok.

How nasty of him

Go equally cold on him. He may start it up again then but don't entertain it if he does. My guess would be that he's got very low self esteem/narc traits. He craves your attention to boost his ego, then finds something imperfect about you and off the pedestal you fall and he cuts you out. No doubt it will happen with the latest woman too. People are just pawns to be used as he pleases.

We are working together today and I feel a bit nervous. So stupid.