Advice

[Unknown1245]

long story short my girlfriend and I had an argument and I went out but before I left I hugged and kissed her. I come back home and find a piece of metal on the bed and she said she didn’t know what it was. The next day I see the cuts and I breakdown because I feel like I’m causing her pain. I’m not in the best state of mind either and it’s not a problem being strong for the both of us but I just don’t know what do?

Does your girlfriend have a history of self harming? Is she (or has she) had any treatment for this?

How long have you been together?

A year now and I believe she had a low point where she tried to od before we were together but no history of self harm that I’m aware of. She is taking medication as well.

You're not responsible for her actions.

If you feel like you are, you're in an unhealthy relationship.

Just leave. You can do it kindly ('This isn't working and I think it might be best for both of us'), but don't stay in a relationship like this. It's not making you feel better or stable or loved or cherished or taken care of or anything much good, is it? It's a source of angst you continually buy into.

Yes im not responsible for her actions but im not the kindest person to be around sometimes and I feel as though I am to blame. Wouldn’t you rather feel like you are to blame if there’s even a small possibility over just leaving, I mean especially when I love this person. I guess I should have asked for advice on how to avoid situations like this and comfort her?

You have to recognise that although she many not have meant it that way, there is an air of manipulation about her self harming. Because now you will be frightened to put a foot out of line incase she self harms. Leaving it on the bed for you to find too...

I'm sorry op but the smart thing to do in this situation is to walk away. Ultimately it may be best for her too as clearly this relationship is a trigger for her self harm. I would notify her family members of the situation so they can keep an eye on her.

IF this is the first time she has ever done something this with you and if you insist on staying, then she needs to agree to be in therapy. And she needs to know that whilst you will be there to support her, if she ever does anything like this again, it will be a deal breaker for you. She needs to see her go immediately and commit to getting better.

Personally I'd walk away. But if you want to give it one last go, you have to be firm. Qnd realistically, if your relationship is prone to being volatile, please choose to walk away now and save eachother more pain.

-see her gp immediately

Thank you so much both of you.

All*

If you feel you're causing her harm, step away from her. Create distance. Tell her why you're doing it.