Husband left just before my 38th
Maren10 · 27/06/2022 06:45
My husband left me because he is not ready to have kids yet and I am 38 and told me to go an have my own kids. He was saying we were going to have kids but all this last 7 years has been postponed. Now i find myself single and not able to move on that quickly. Should I just accept that I won’t have kids?
JugglingJanuary · 27/06/2022 06:52
What you need to do is get your head sorted as quickly as possible. Accept it's over. Accept it's his decision (despite how you feel) and move forward. You're still young enough to meet someone new & have a family.
I wish someone had really made me see this at the time but I was too busy being heartbroken.
He's been very cruel & hurt you, don't allow him to fuck up your chances of having kids too.
user1471499545 · 27/06/2022 06:52
Would you consider a donor? While it's devastating that he left, it does not mean you don't have other options.
Sending you strength to get through this .
Maren10 · 27/06/2022 07:18
No, I cannot afford to be a single mum. He was wealthy but made me sign a prenup so won’t even have any dime to freeze eggs, being a single mum, etc. No warning given, just the time came and left! So not sure what to do…
Fightingbackwithhappiness · 27/06/2022 07:30
OP, I am so sorry! That is so shit for you. What an arse he is. If I were you I would consider a sperm donor but it’s up to you.
It might be an idea to talk stuff through with a life counsellor. I’ve always found them very helpful.
Didimum · 27/06/2022 07:42
Prenups are not enforceable. It is down to the court decision.
OompaLoompaa · 27/06/2022 07:54
Get yourself a good solicitor and see if the prenup is valid.
Allow yourself some time to wallow then book counselling if you feel
it will be beneficial then get yourself a life plan. Don’t let this asshole feck up your life.
mokololo · 27/06/2022 08:05
The cheapest way to do this ethically is to go to Denmark. It's cheaper than the UK, they constrain family size, and the donor is known. Google StorkKlinik.
Isolatedandfrustrated · 27/06/2022 08:09
I would also use a doner. , when your in a relationship there's always the wants and wishes of the other person. This other person has held you back and your now approaching 40 and want kids.
If you found someone else, you can't just have kids with them immediately. They might not want kids either or will already have kids. Your best going it alone.
mokololo · 27/06/2022 08:11
God, sorry, posted too soon.
That was meant to just be an aside. I'm sorry this has happened, OP. Definitely don't ring the clinic first thing! Christ. Drink a bottle of wine. Curse his name. Call your friends and tell them everything. You are not alone. Let the people who love you, love you right now.
You know, this happens to a lot of women- this is a classic shithead move. It's so fucking cruel it makes you breathless, doesn't it? To take someone's baby away from them for no reason. If you don't want kids, don't have them, but don't lie to someone and take theirs away too.
I advise my friends now to never delay pregnancy for a man past 34. No man is worth it. I'm so sorry. It's probably NOT too late, but you will have to think deeply now about what you want to do. Don't think about him or what he wants. You've done that for seven years. It's time for you now. 🍷🍰
CharSiu · 27/06/2022 08:12
As the poster has written dime and it’s still highly unusual to have a pre nup in the UK I’m assuming she is probably American. It would be good to clarify because as much as advice from the heart will be the same the practical advice won’t be.
LondonWolf · 27/06/2022 08:12
I've been a single mother since my children were two and five. I'd do it again without hesitation. They're the best things that ever happened to me. I wouldn't miss my chance to be a mother due to a selfish arsehole man who will probably have children with someone else within the next five years.
MultiBird · 27/06/2022 08:14
Don't assume you'll get nothing because of the prenup. See a solicitor.
KangFang · 27/06/2022 08:17
It's not too late but you do need to move quickly.
Don't waste any more time on him. Horrible man.
I agree that he'll probably have someone else pregnant before 2023.
GreenClock · 27/06/2022 08:19
See a solicitor about the prenup for a start.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation, OP. He should have been braver and ended it years ago. But you still have some time.
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/06/2022 08:26
What scum keeping you dangling for 7 years. Please go and have a baby on your own. I did it and my friend did it. No custody issues then if the relationship breaks down.
My friend had donor sperm. I just slept with somebody. Didn't actually mean to get pregnant but went with it. Wouldn't know how to contact the father or want to.
It was the best thing we ever did. I love being a mum. Don't rely on a man. You really regret not being a mum.
Maren10 · 27/06/2022 09:19
Thanks! It’s tricky because we moved and I’m a bit isolated, not many friends either.
also still hoping he wouldn’t leave me…
sounds bad huh
but well as you said it’s quite normal that a guy buys more time by ditching wife and finding someone younger and have kids later. He even said to me you cannot blame me for genetics and being a woman!
babyjellyfish · 27/06/2022 14:37
You absolutely can blame him for wasting your time.
What a bastard.
I really would look into sperm donation if you can. Try and figure out whether you can make the finances work.
HelloHeathcliffeItsMe · 27/06/2022 14:42
Are you in the UK? If you are I would still see a lawyer re: the prenup. It may not be binding depending on the terms of it, if you both sought legal advice etc etc.
I'm so sorry this is happening. Have you thought about seeking therapy? It's a lot to process!
PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2022 14:49
Jesus. What a guy.
Just joining the chorus saying get some therapy to support you, and get a lawyer. A settlement that includes paying for both those things, as well.
seven201 · 27/06/2022 14:52
He sounds horrible!! I'd look into freezing your eggs now. It's not cheap, but it's not horrendous either.
Maren10 · 27/06/2022 15:05
There should be a law saying he has to pay for that especially him being wealthy! And leaving me totally out of the blue!
Amid · 27/06/2022 15:11
Get a solicitor ASAP. Prenups are not always enforceable in this country.
babyjellyfish · 27/06/2022 16:22
Are you in the UK, OP?
LaFloristaCalista · 27/06/2022 16:55
Are you in U.K.? Please clarify that as what you are saying regarding a prenup doesn't make complete sense
Fightingbackwithhappiness · 27/06/2022 19:05
Can you prove that he promised he would have a child with you? As in text messages or emails etc.You may well have a case then
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