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New man… help!
28

janesmithsdog · 26/06/2022 21:08

Ok. I divorced last year after 20 years of marriage. Took a bit of time to regroup but for the last month or so have been seeing someone and I think next weekend might end up being the first time we sleep together.

I’m really nervous! It’s been a while and my body isn’t what it was twenty years ago. For all I know sex might have completely changed too 😂

How do you get over the nerves and weirdness? So far I’ve basically come up with a “winning” strategy of no carbs this week, some gradual tanner this week and then wine on the night 😂 I know I should just be all “I’m a queen and he should be grateful for the opportunity” but I am MIDDLE AGED AND ENGLISH.

Any other tactics, either for looking good or feeling good?? Hellllllp….

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GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour · 26/06/2022 21:15

Way to go, OP!
I'm recently divorced and no new men yet so no advice, just came on to congratulate you 😁

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Chaffinch2022 · 26/06/2022 21:21

This is something I happen to feel very strongly about....grasp this opportunity OP!!

The first time with someone new is the perfect time to say a big F-you to all those body hang-ups and insecurities you've been carrying with you! He has never seen you thinner/fitter/perkier and I can guarantee if he likes you he will just be over the moon to have you naked and get to do naughty things to you. Don't diet, don't starve, don't try to conceal anything throughout flattering positions like avoiding going on top etc. This is the ideal time to allow yourself to love your current body, exactly as it is, with no expectations or point of reference from him.

Don't start a regime that you feel you have to keep complying with in future in order to feel sexy. Allow yourself to enjoy this experience in your current body, exactly as it is today.

It will bring you freedom like nothing else!

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Shitscared123 · 26/06/2022 21:27

Oh I love these threads! There was a brilliant one last year. The poster had so much great advice about what to take, wear, etc. I’ve been divorced for 4 years after a 13 year marriage. Haven’t had sec in years as haven’t met anyone worth it. I feel I’ll die not having a romantic weekend away with a man, and so I live vicariously through these.

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janesmithsdog · 26/06/2022 21:27

Oh god Chaffinch, that’s such good advice but it’s made me feel a bit panicky too!

I want to. I really do. I just don’t know how!

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Signoramarella · 26/06/2022 21:29

I promise you once in the moment, you won't be worrying about how you look! Assuming he isn't 30 and with a Tom cruise bod, he will have some grey hair and stretch marks too! My first 'encounter' post divorce was with a 60 yr old. Concentrate on having fun. Giving receiving pleasure,. All I did different was nails, had a decent hair cut, did a few days low carb, stuff I would've done anyway. Go for it!

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Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 26/06/2022 21:32

Imo the main thing a man will appreciate about an older woman is we know what we want!! Be confident op!! Accept nothing less than you truly deserve!

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ToTheNextChapter · 26/06/2022 23:50

Aw I think it all sounds very exciting! I separated from my H in recent months after 21 years together.
He'd made some horrible comments about my appearance.
I have met a new man and although I won't feel ready for a little while, I know we'll have sex. I am terrified and excited at the same time!
What made me laugh reading your thread is I'd already planned the dieting and gradual tan!
Good luck!

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slowcookerforone · 27/06/2022 09:06

Just enjoy it!
There's nothing better than getting naked with someone you fancy.
We shouldn't feel shame about our bodies, but yes pamper yourself to make you feel good and give you confidence.

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/06/2022 09:09

Get naked and enjoy it if you can. Glass of wine might help? If you feel you can't just get naked, maybe a chemise type nightie or similar?

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SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/06/2022 12:00

Oh heck. Have I killed the thread, with my Marj Proops type advice? Grin

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Watchkeys · 27/06/2022 12:07

I really think that 'Wait until you feel you can't help it' is good advice. It will stop you from doing it before you're comfortable, feeling secure, feeling confident, etc.

Don't decide in advance 'Tonight's the night' because when it comes to it, you might not feel like it, and if you don't feel like it, it won't go well. Just wait until the wave of lust comes. Once that happens, you don't care about the diet and the tan.

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Shunter350 · 27/06/2022 13:24

As a 57 yo bloke I can assure you I have the same insecurities. Believe me when I say when you snuggle up and the hands are gently wandering you won't care.
Enjoy the experience. It will be wonderful.
Oh and btw I can guarantee he will have insecurities too.. GrinWink

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janesmithsdog · 27/06/2022 18:18

Watchkeys · 27/06/2022 12:07

I really think that 'Wait until you feel you can't help it' is good advice. It will stop you from doing it before you're comfortable, feeling secure, feeling confident, etc.

Don't decide in advance 'Tonight's the night' because when it comes to it, you might not feel like it, and if you don't feel like it, it won't go well. Just wait until the wave of lust comes. Once that happens, you don't care about the diet and the tan.

I really like this, I think you’re right. Thank you.

Thanks to all for the solidarity and advice!

To whoever asked… he IS younger than me which has got in my head a bit. Not a Tom Cruise bod though so I need to stop letting that play on my mind.

I AM still doing a bit of “personal grooming prep” this week, just to feel at my best (and it’s a good incentive to lose the few lbs that have crept on!) , but you’ve all calmed me down a bit so thank you :)

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Mumof3confused · 27/06/2022 18:28

You hopefully won’t care in the moment. But treating yourself to some new underwear might also help?

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JuneJubilee · 27/06/2022 18:34

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 26/06/2022 21:32

Imo the main thing a man will appreciate about an older woman is we know what we want!! Be confident op!! Accept nothing less than you truly deserve!

'Older woman'. She might be in her 30's FFS

(unless I missed her giving her age).

@janesmithsdog sex HAS changed!! But you can still say NO to anything that doesn't do it for you, but if he's not been in a LTR he might assume certain things are now 'mainstream' that you may not.

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MintJulia · 27/06/2022 18:39

A pedicure and some nice underwear (your taste, not his) will help with the confidence.

Enjoy yourself 😊

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janesmithsdog · 27/06/2022 18:39

Funnily enough i was just thinking about new underwear 😁 Good reminder about boundaries too. I’m fairly open sexually but on my own terms and timeline!

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Shitscared123 · 04/07/2022 13:18

@janesmithsdog just going through my notifications. Any update?? Hope it was delightful!

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janesmithsdog · 06/07/2022 08:47

Soooo… I feel a bit stupid writing this update but it came to light last week that I wasn’t the only woman he had on the go. He sent something to me meant for her, basically. And despite some pretty frantic back pedalling on his part, that was game over for me.

I feel ok about it overall- bit disappointed but not broken hearted or anything like that. I wasn’t desperate for anyone, more just “Well that’s a shame, he’s missed out, that could have been fun” type thing.

Thanks to all for your encouragement though, it meant a lot and really helped. I have stored away all the tips and fully intend to use them at a later date!

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Shitscared123 · 06/07/2022 09:52

Ah fuck. No need to feel stupid with the update. Sorry to hear that happened. What a blessing to have found out before you went away. I hope you meet someone wonderful and honest.

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MaJoady · 06/07/2022 09:57

Ah, sorry OP. But I think you can be pleased with having the level of self confidence and ef respect that you recognise that it is him being a shit and bears no relation to your self worth. Feel proud of yourself for that! And treat yourself to new underwear anyway: it always helps you feel good about yourself

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Inthesameboatatmo · 06/07/2022 10:04

Yes op! Brilliant. Just don't take it all too seriously and you should be fine. It may very well be awkward but mature adults should be able to laugh it off. Have a great time .

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Inthesameboatatmo · 06/07/2022 10:04

Oh shit! Just seen the update!

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Inthesameboatatmo · 06/07/2022 10:06

His loss op! Don't let it knock you back a few steps. Plenty more fish as they say Flowers

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something2say · 06/07/2022 10:07

Oh no way!!! I only just found this thread and was excited that you'd updated. What a bummer. Silly man. What a shame.

I had an experience lately tho that is similar. I'm newly single and 47 almost 48. I lay in bed at night feeling my peri belly fat and thinking, 'I have no long curves from rib cage to hip now hey!! How ya gonna let a man feel that??'

But I had a very unexpected one night stand and it was unbelievable. He treated me so beautifully, and because it was the first time it was all kissing and cuddling and he was 6ft and I slept in his arms all night afterwards. It was absolutely fantastic and I saw it as an opportunity to have an amazing time.

I hope now that he has turned you back on and a surprise stranger comes along for you. X

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