What do we think?

[Gem8701]

So I was with a guy for a year, and in that time we had a lot of ups and downs due to us both. He had serious trust issues.

He is really kind, caring, would do anything for me and my daughter.
He wants to give things another go, I'm obviously very cautious due to what happened before.

Do I try again?

Fuck him off! Ex for a reason

What happened before?

we had a lot of ups and downs due to us both.

due to you both what?

What action have you both taken since you split up to work on your issues?

If the answer is none, then nothing has changed.

Leave it. This isn't just about you, you have a daughter to think about too.
I would guess all those previous issues will come flooding back soon enough.

What were the previous issues?

He had serious trust issues.

This is a not so secret code for controlling abuser. Run for your life and keep running. Don't be daft.

How long ago did you split? Has one of you been seeing someone else and because that didn’t work out you are now thinking of giving it another go? Have these serious trust issues gone away?

Same thought here.

Unless he has had professional help for the 'trust issues' I'd say stay clear.

Unless things have changed, I'd leave that one in the past.

It's easy to become nostalgic over an old flame, but there is a reason you broke up. And if those reasons still exist, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.

You've given his pros, but very little of cons beyond "ups and downs". As a general rule his cons outweigh his pros if you already split up- it's rose tinted glasses that leave you thinking he's great

Hes clingy, needy, can be controlling, but i am trying to see the good in him.

I think the problem here isn't with him or with the relationship. It's that you aren't listening to your feelings, and are trying to over-ride them with 'trying to see it a particular way' (ie not the way you naturally see it) and getting a group opinion on a forum.

The question you really need to be asking yourself is 'Why am I considering a relationship with a man I know to be needy and controlling?'

Why are you considering it?

Ask yourself why you are trying to see the good in him. A person cannot act as either a rescuer or saviour in a relationship, neither approach works. Were you raised by a parent like him?. He is an ex for good reason and needs to remain so.

You really don't need a man with so many issues on your life.

You shouldn’t need to try to see the good in someone in order to be in a relationship with them.

I wouldn’t get back with him.

Why?