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Can you keep your relationship child free when you have children??
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Unfortunatevents · 26/06/2022 16:31

I’m dating a guy I met online last summer. There are so many things I love about this relationship. We have a good emotional connection and are supportive of each other, have similar tastes and interests which mean our spare time is spent doing fun things we both enjoy. Our physical connection is great and I look forward to seeing him. But….. it’s been nearly a year. There are children on both sides and I’m nowhere nearer wanting them to be any part of this than I was at the start. He is keener than me but not set on it. So what I want to know is has anyone kept their relationship adult only (not talking about fwb here) and has that worked or is it inevitable that children becomes part of it and what was the impact?

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Twizbe · 26/06/2022 16:36

I think it depends on how old the children are.

If they are almost adults then, yes, I think it's possible to keep your relationship separate from parenting.

If they are young kids... I think eventually you will have to meet the children if you want to move forward together.

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Unfortunatevents · 26/06/2022 16:45

Yep, they’re primary aged, that’s what I was thinking….

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AgentJohnson · 27/06/2022 06:06

Of course you can but only if you both want to but it doesn’t sound like he wants to.

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ohmygloshes · 27/06/2022 06:18

This sounds like it is friends with benefits. I think knowing how he is with children is important if you're building a life together. If you want perpetual dating you can definitely carry on if he's happy with that.

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Catlover1970 · 27/06/2022 06:38

Your children are part of the package whether you like it or not

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AubadeIsIt · 27/06/2022 17:00

No judgement at all on my part, I'm just curious about having an emotional connection, a year together and not wanting to introduce the people most central in your life. Did you have a bad experience in the past that makes you not want to? How often do you see him as is?

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11Hawkins · 27/06/2022 17:06

Not sure how you can have a strong emotional connection when he's not meant the people who mean the most to you.

They will have to come into it sooner or later or you'll never move forward surely)

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Unfortunatevents · 27/06/2022 20:26

Thank you for the responses. I definitely think you can have strong emotional connections to people who are not involved with your children-I certainly have plenty of friends who I have this with but they don’t have anything to do with the kids or anyone else in my life. I take your point though. I suppose what I am really doing is dating as a relationship would mean greater involvement in wider lives (not just FWB as there is an emotional connection and we do spend time together outside of physical stuff) I suppose I just wondered if anyone else had a relationship like this and how it was working out…it’s pretty satisfying at the moment!

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noradelphine · 27/06/2022 22:13

If it's working for you both then I honestly don't see a problem.

I think you can definitely have a deep meaningful relationship without introducing your or his children if you are both happy with that setup.

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PermanentTemporary · 27/06/2022 22:16

My bf and I aren't much involved with each others kids, though we have all met briefly over the 18 months we've been together. They are older though - ds is the youngest and was 16 when we met.

I really value having a space where we are just ourselves and do our own things.

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