Bit of a long post, sorry.
My sister and I have fallen out, what should I do?!
Bit of context - We lost our parents when we were were teenagers, have a step mum who I love but sister is not so close with her. I have 2 young children, 2 under 2. Sister doesn’t want children, doesn’t like them, never have never will, fair enough.
We’ve always had a rocky relationship, I’ve always had to be the one to reach out or apologise first, when things are good they are good but it’s intense, when we fall out, it’s huge.
We’re both married, sister got married when I only had one child, pregnant with number 2 - this is where it all started… when we told her about pregnancy number 2, she broke down in tears (not in a good way) said I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy her wedding or drink alcohol, I had ruined the wedding and everyone will be eyes on me, made a comment about me knowing when the wedding was and I should have stayed on the pill… that’s when I lost it, we had some time apart and, she did apologise after time and I tried to hold it together for her wedding.
The next comment was “I got my partner to look after the dog while I was there on your wedding day” after I told her I would need to leave early from the wedding (7-8pm) to put child 1 to Bed (we had no childcare).
I was breastfeeding no 1 to sleep and so said I would need to miss out on a meal the night before the wedding but would literally feed baby to sleep and then head straight over to the pub afterwards. She told me I should bottle feed her so my husband can deal with her, I tried to explain that we’ve tried that but she doesn’t take the bottle (we had actually been trying for months to get her on the bottle so I had a bit more of a life, not just for her wedding) but she said I was being difficult and using baby as an excuse.
Many other comments made but too long to explain. I spent over £400 on 3 hen dos (yes 3, covid played a part in some of it and I didn’t want the bride to be to pay anything), their wedding present and provided breakfast on the morning of the wedding, cooked breakfast, drinks, Prosecco etc - I know it’s not about the money and I wouldn’t change it as I wanted to spoil her. But I was on mat leave and that was all my savings, I didn’t get a single thank you for any of it. She thanked the other bridesmaids in front of me but said nothing to me.
We are now not talking (this has been about 9 months) I’ve had another baby since then, I contacted her to let her know baby arrived but she was less than interested. I’ve tried again to contact her and ask if she wants a relationship and talk about what’s happened and she’s not replied.
Part of me thinks I should leave her and respect she doesn’t want to talk. Another part of me can’t stop thinking about it, stressing and feeling sad that I’ve now got young children, I understand the importance of family and would be distraught if our kids didn’t speak to each other. I don’t want to never speak to her again, when we get on we’re like 2 peas in a pod but this is the longest an argument has gone on.
I’m angry with the things she said and did,I understand I need to get over that but feels like there’s been no closure, no chance to talk on both sides. none of the family speak to her about it (they tend to tip toe around her, incase she shuts them out her life. She’s done this to our step mum before, until she needed a place to stay)
What should I do?