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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I ask now?

3 replies

Almostthere1 · 26/06/2022 09:47

I’ve been seeing someone for 6 months now. Both approaching 50, adult children, own homes, no major complications. I made it clear at the beginning that I’m looking for a life partner to eventually share life with, move in together, and he said he was looking for the same. In the first few months his behaviour confirmed that, he was talking about how he misses having a partner, talked about the option of selling his home and moving. However, I noticed a change recently. We still enjoy spending time together (mostly at the weekends as we live a certain distance apart) but there are no conversations about a future together other than some weekend plans in the near future.
I’m not in a major hurry and I’m aware that we are still getting to know each other. But previously I was for a number of years with someone who also said he wanted to become a ‘full time partner’, and then changed his mind and only wanted a weekend relationship. We broke up as I never wanted to be a weekend girlfriend.
Should I have a chat about future vision with my current boyfriend now? I don’t want to waste my time but on the other hand it’s early days. What would you do?

OP posts:
Confusedbyactions · 26/06/2022 09:51

Yes talk to him how you feel. Maybe he has hit the comfort zone, maybe something is niggling him, who knows but best to talk it out.

GreyCarpet · 26/06/2022 10:05

I agree. You need to talk to him.

Also remember that, even if someone wants a life partner and to settle down, it still takes time to work out if you are the person they want that with. And vice versa.

Almostthere1 · 26/06/2022 21:07

Thank you. I’ve got this gut feeling that something has shifted. I ignored that feeling (and some evidence!) in the past and I wasted so much time ….the guy I’m seeing now is great but it all doesn’t matter if he doesn’t want the type of relationship I’m
after.

OP posts:
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