Hi! I've been with this guy for 3 years and it's been a mindfield if I'm honest. I met him at 17, he's 7years older. Kind of always wondered about that. I'm 20 now and feel a bit more aware of things.
When we argue it always feels so unfair. He talks all he wants about all the things I have done wrong but if I say a single word it's 'right just leave me alone', he tells me I'm just continuing it but I'm just trying to understand why he's so annoyed. I'll give an example of the most recent event.
Had a few pints at pub, nice day. On the way home talking about suncream. I say everyone needs it, he says otherwise (I know I'm right so I stop the debate and go on my phone, it's so hard to argue with him even if I know I'm right). He turns and says 'so is that all it takes for you to go on your phone then'. I found this really confrontational because he was suggesting I was being all moody, but I genuinely just thought it was normal to finish a conversation and then do your own thing when you're not talking.
So I said in a frustrated way 'what're you on about? You can be a real dick you know'
I got out of the car and he came inside. Sharing space with him and a friend we met from work. We all share tobacco and he takes the last few cigs, so I ask him why he's taking all of the last bits.
He goes out, smokes it, and I roll a wee un for me and our friend to share. Our friend feels awkward and washes the pots. Anyway he starts really popping off about me smoking that cigarette whilst my mate does the pots and how selfish that is (despite him just smokinga load to himself) and how out of order I am for being like this when our friend will be leaving soon. He is pretty much making it clear to our friend that I'm aan inconsiderate cunt and I've ruined one of our last nights together. I cry but ask to leave because I don't want to make our friend stressed. Next morning I'm really sick with heatstroke and ask my bf if he can tell our boss that I'm too sick. He said it wasn't his problem, I was making him late and after I spoke to him like shit why should he (keep in mind the worst thing I said was that he could be a real dick). Came back hours later on break, apologised saying 'he thinks he's just losing his mind'. Complete justification. But I say it's fine cause I'm too tired for this continuation. I feel like if I don't accept the apology he will be arsey again
It doesn't seem like much but there are so many times like this where my memory of the event shows him being horrible but I end up feeling so bad and apologising. I feel like he uses my age against me.
Other times he's made me out to be an inconsiderate cunt was times like forgetting to shut the bedroom door behind me, he's gone sick at me for that. And one time I had too many was sponges out to try and colour coordinate and he was going going crazy about that. The night ended with him calling him me absolutely crazy and messaging his ex.
I'm lost guys because he does these things that make me feel so small but then is really affectionate and wise other times. It just keeps me locked in, for someone as pathetic as me that's enough to make me feel safe and secure and too afraid to leave. I just wonder what's going on in his head. Does he sound like a gaslighter to you? I am so lost.