Why does he get to be the happy one?

[princesspea111]

I got broken up with 2 days ago. Nothing awful, just communication issues and admittedly mental health issues from my side that may have driven him away. He ended things pretty suddenly and seemed pretty cold, as if he had checked out a while ago (and if so he’s a very good pretender!) but it was amicable.

I’ve been really struggling to process it all. I’ve taken time to really heal, let myself cry etc. I’ve deleted all social media as I can’t face it right now.
My friend tells me that he’s changed his profile pic already, after ONE day, of him having loads of fun.
He’s also just followed a girl that I know he used to speak to, which honestly made me feel like I’d been hit by a bus.

How is he moving on with his life so quick when I can barely face anything or even think about other guys without feeling ill??

I'm so sorry OP it does sound like he probably has been gearing up for this longer than you think so probably his grieving for the breakdown of the relationship was before he actually split up with you and actually pulling the trigger on the end of the relationship was at the end of that process for him where as thats the beginning of it for you.

Your friend really shouldn't be shit stirring by telling you this stuff though. X Is she purposefully trying to pour salt in your wounds or did you make her check his profile on your behalf?

Keep him blocked and tell your "friends" to stop reporting his activity to you, you blocked him so you wouldn't have to deal with that shit.

What was his previous profile picture? If it was of the 2 of you then it's not surprising he's changed it, nobody keeps their ex in their profile pic. And he was hardly going to put up a pic of himself looking miserable.

Some of these replies are a bit harsh OP. Loads of us have mental health issues and it doesn't mean we can't also be loving and rewarding partners...

But you ARE over-interpreting - changing his profile pic doesn't mean much - he might have planned to change it anyway. Nor does following the girl, necessarily.

But he might move on quickly - some people do. It doesn't actually mean that you meant nothing to him. I was literally devastated when my ex kicked me out, yet it just so happened that I met my now husband about three days later, and we were an item within the month! My ex's family said it proved I could never have cared for him that much - no it didn't! I just bounce back quickly - always have. And when something is done, for me it's done. Maybe your ex is the same....

Feeling as you do, you would do well to block him on all channels at the moment, and ask your friends to do the same......Doesn't have to be for ever necessarily, but certainly for a few months at least.

Oh, and while I see why some posters are saying he is likely to be happy as he is the one who ended it - that doesn't always last! Take my ex I mentioned earlier. After his initial apparent sense of relief at having ended it, within months he was sobbing to everyone about how he had lost the woman he loved, and begging me to return to him. Whereas I was the one who had moved on! Obviously you can't assume this will happen in your case, but life is unpredictable - just don't assume that he is the winner and you are the loser here.....

Life has much to offer you. For now, look after yourself, reach out to people who make you feel good, do things that make you happy. Self care is what you need right now - whatever that looks like for you. Xxx

I’m sorry you feel this way. But he doesn’t have to be unhappy, he is allowed to be happy. It doesn’t mean he is happy all the time. But he is no longer any of your business.

Social media is not real life. Plus he probably knows that you are still on there and is playing up to that.

Bedt thing you can do is unfriendly and focus on yourself. No contact. No friends telling you what he is up to.

Yes it will still feel shit but there’s plenty of evidence that NC helps you heal faster

maybe take a look at this article. There is a cycle, to start off with he’ll feel relief, he’ll start going out and enjoying himself, once that gets boring then the regret will kick in. How you conduct yourself will be influential in your future. It’s hard but try and stay on your white horse, care about yourself and your life, and let him live through his cycle.

www.mensxp.com/amp/relationships/break-ups/48271-7-stages-all-men-go-through-while-recovering-from-a-tough-breakup.html

Why are some people saying that he will come to regret his decision? I don't think that is at all helpful to the op and it's certainly not guaranteed to be true.

Yes, some may have regrets later, but many will feel nothing but huge relief after leaving a relationship that wasn't right for them.

I know I can't be the only one who has ended a relationship and felt like a weight has been lifted. That's no reflection on the worth of the other person. It was just not working.

Op, the only thing that will help here is time (and not checking social media).

No real advice, other than to say I'm going through similar.

Recently my ex ended things, haven't blocked each other or deleted off social media as it ended "nicely".

I have muted his posts and stories, and put him in my archive folder on WhatsApp (you've done better than me by deleting! 👏). However, I have gone into my insta dms to reply to messages, I don't have a lot of friends I speak to on there so he was still coming up near the top of my recent chats. I've noticed every day since the break up he has been posting stories, I haven't watched them but I can see he has them on.

It's honestly made me feel the same way, he's off living his life and posting stories (must be out and about doing things), meanwhile I'm here crying my heart out barely able to function. He rarely ever posts on instagram let alone stories so it's really bothered me, even though I know it isn't my business anymore.

Like others have said, he could have checked out long ago and just relieved to be getting on with his life.
He could also be feeling sad and be masking the pain and putting on a front. My ex ended things with me once before and did similar behaviour, when we got back together he did state this as the reason.

At the end of the day, you won't get inside his head. It is going to hurt, don't block it out and accept your emotions. You're allowed to feel hurt, you're allowed to feel sad. Especially if you've been blindsided and he was good at pretending that everything was great.

Ask friends to stop updating you, and resist the urge to check yourself. The next few weeks will be hard, but after that it should get better, slowly. It's like a withdrawal. You will only cause yourself more pain by thinking about his happiness, whether it's real or fake.

You've got this x

Why would he feel regret if the relationship wasn’t working?

Is every man who leaves a relationship going to feel regret? Are all women going to too?